Blood in the USA
by redsandman99
Summary: Sequel to And the Blood Rains Down. When James makes an announcement that shocks the group to its core, they find themselves taking their murderous ways on the road--only now they have little Nero Hardy to deal with now too.
1. Chapter 1

_In all of his years of killing and torturing people, Jeff hadn't heard anyone the one Melina was at the moment. Apparently contractions hurt, which was news to him. He hadn't given birth before, so it wasn't like he knew from personal experience or anything. But what he did know was this: she had been screaming for hours now and nobody else was home to shut her up, which was not good because he could not concentrate on torturing the runaway he had plucked off the street. "This is getting fucking ridiculous," he muttered as he went upstairs._

_Melina was laying on the living room floor, her head drenched in sweat, her legs propped up and there was some blood on the floor now. "Jesus, are you still not done?" he asked. _

_She glared up at him. "Your spawn won't come out."_

_"My spawn? Hey, it takes two to tango lady." He stopped and grinned. "Or maybe it doesn't." He pretended like he was holding a chick in his arms and he began to dance around the living room until Melina's screaming became too much to ignore. "Okay, okay, I'll help! Just shut up for two seconds." He went into his room and put on a pair of rubber gloves. Then he grabbed a catchers mitt, some Vaseline and a thing of Pixie Stix because the baby would probably be hungry once it was out. "Okay, let's do this," he said as he came back into the living room._

_Melina looked up at him like he was insane. The pain she was in had given her what appeared to be a temporary dose of sanity. "None of those are going to help!"_

_Jeff looked at his items. "The gloves will help," he said childishly. He got down on the floor and looked between her legs. "Ew! There's something coming out of there!"_

_The front door opened at that moment and in walked James. He dropped the bag he was holding and just stared at what was happening. "Damn it people! That carpet is brand new!"_

_Melina started screaming again, which snapped James out of his anger enough for him to start helping. "Jesus," he muttered. He sat down beside Melina. "Okay, just keep pushing. You have to push."_

_"I am pushing!" Jeff yelled. "It won't go back in!"_

_"Not you dummy!" James snapped. "She has to push. You just need to help pull the baby out."_

_"Oh." Jeff pouted as he tried to help get the baby out. It wasn't his fault that he hadn't known he was supposed to pull. He had heard the word push, so he had pushed._

_"Fuck, she's bleeding all over the place," James muttered. "How long has she been in labor?"_

_"Uh…awhile."_

_"Why didn't you call anyone and say anything?"_

_"Because I was playing downstairs and I thought she could handle this on her own."_

_James sighed. "Jeff, we went over what you were supposed to have done like a thousand times over the past few months. Would it really have been so hard for you to do?"_

_"I said I was playing downstairs! That should explain everything to you old man."_

_"Well my fist connecting with your mouth should explain to you why you shouldn't call me that."_

_Melina screamed again. The baby was almost all the way out. Jeff got a good hold on it and pretty much yanked it out completely. "What the hell is that thing?" he asked, nodding towards the cord thing that was sticking out of the baby's belly button._

_"It's the umbilical cord," James said. He took a knife out of his pocket and used it to cut it. He looked down at Melina. "Fucking shit, she doesn't look good. I wish Mark was here to take her to the hospital so we won't have to."_

_Mark and Glenn came home at that moment. James suddenly grinned and looked up at the ceiling. "I wish I had a million dollars."_

_No money magically appeared. Mark gave his best friend and sometimes lover a weird look. "What the hell are you going on about?"_

_Jeff started to sway from side to side as he looked at his son. The baby was crying and it was covered from head to toe in blood and something else that was kind of sticky, but Jeff really didn't mind. He just cooed and giggled insanely at the tiny infant._

_"Uh…Jeff?" James said slowly. "Can you hand him over to one of us?"_

_Jeff took a defensive step backwards. "Why? It's my baby."_

_"But you kill babies," Glenn pointed out. "With alarming frequency."_

_"But this is MY baby," Jeff reminded them. "My little Nero Chainsaw Hardy."_

_"Jeff, your son's middle name can't be--" James stopped when he saw the look Jeff was giving him. "Okay, it can be Chainsaw. Stop looking like you want to stab me in the neck."_

_Jeff giggled. "See Nero? Grandpa is smarter than he looks."_

_"Oh you're pushing it kiddo."_

_"Okay, since when has him being thirty two made him fall under the category of being a kid?" Glenn asked._

_Before James could snap at him, the light bulb that was in the room just randomly exploded. Jeff started to cackle. "What the hell was that?"_

_Mark pointed at Nero. "That thing was staring at it. I think it made the light bulb explode."_

_"Oh stop being paranoid and take Melina to the hospital," James ordered. "Nero did not make anything explode._

_Mark gave him a skeptical look. "Oh you just wait Lawson. That grandkid of yours is pure demon spawn. I'm telling you that right now."_

_"But he's my demon spawn," Jeff said. "Oooh! I can call him Nero Chainsaw Demon Hardy!"_

_"Jeff you can't just…oh forget it," James said. "There's no reasoning with you."_

XXXXXXXXXX

Jeff switched back and forth between staring at the now three year old Nero and the "present" he had brought back from playing outside. "It's a dead kitty," he said.

"Yes," Nero said with a nod. He looked a lot like Jeff, but his skin tone was closer to Melina's color.

"Who killed the kitty?"

"Me."

"Who's kitty was it?"

"I don't know. It just hissed at me and so I picked up a rock and bashed its head in."

Jeff grinned. Little Nero was very impulsive like he was. "Did you show Mommy the dead kitty?"

"Yeah."

"What did she say?"

"I don't know. She said something about pixies and fairies and then she started spinning around really fast. She doesn't make sense Daddy."

Jeff nodded and scooped Nero into his arms. "Yeah, she's cuckoo. Cuckoo for Coca Puffs!" He started laughing madly and giving Nero Eskimo kisses.

"Guys!" Tammy yelled from the other room. "Come in here and look at this!"

Jeff took Nero into the other room and found everyone gathered around the TV. They were watching the news and this was the shocking headline on the bottom of the screen: Governor James Lawson announces bid for presidency.

"Oh dear God no!" Mark exclaimed. "He cannot do this?"

"What's going on Daddy?" Nero asked.

Jeff grinned. "Your grandpa wants to become president."

Kelly raised her hand. "Okay, I don't know about you guys, but if he wins, I'm hauling ass to Canada as fast as I can. I am not even joking."


	2. Chapter 2

James just stared at his family and friends in surprise and disappointment. "Aren't any of you happy that I decided to run for president?" he asked. He sounded like a child whose parents were not proud of him.

"We didn't say that," Stacy said.

"I'm thinking it," Mark muttered.

Dwayne smacked him on the back of the head. "What we're saying, is the thought of you running our country is--"

"Absolutely terrifying," Ashley finished.

Kelly nodded. "And insane."

"And a disaster in the making," Miz added.

James considered all that--for about two seconds. "You guys are the insane ones," he declared. "This is going to be great!

Mark shook his head. "Let me remind you what happened every time you came up with these "great" ideas: you fucked your sister, you spawned Jeff, you didn't kill Miz or Morrison and let them annoy everyone for years, you got the entire Ministry chased by the KKK when you took their leader and strapped him to one of those crosses before burning him alive, you--"

"Okay, okay, I get it!" James exclaimed. "You don't have to keep on going."

Ashley leaned over to Kelly. "Did he really fuck his sister?"

Kelly nodded. "I told you these people were dysfunctional."

Christian grinned. "I'll become more functional if you make out right now and let me watch." That comment earned him two punches to the chest, one from each girl.

"Run and catch, the lamb is in the blackberry patch," Melina sang softly as she tiptoed into the room. Nero and Jeff were right on her heels, looking at her with great interest.

"Dude, I've been in Vegas for a long time now, and I didn't know there were even lambs or blackberry patches here," Jeff said. "I want to know what the hell I've been missing out on."

James sighed. "Jeff, you know Melina's just singing. There are no lambs or blackberry patches here."

"Silence infidel! I kill you if you say that again!"

Nero shook his head. "Don't kill Grandpa Daddy. Grandpa told me he was going to show me how to do the Chinese water torture when I'm older."

Jeff made a high pitched whining noise as he glared at James. "You didn't show ME that!"

James sighed. This conversation was not going exactly the way he had wanted it to. "Isn't anyone happy that I might be president?"

"I am Grandpa," Nero said. He walked over to the older man and hugged his legs. "I think you would make a great president."

James grinned and picked his grandson up. "I knew there was a reason I liked you best," he said. He kissed the boy on the cheek.

Jeff pouted. "Oh come on Nero! I'm so much better than Grandpa over there." He picked up an empty bottle of wine and smashed it over James's head. "See? He--" His voice trailed off as the bottle failed to phase James in the least bit. "Wait, what the hell?"

James shook his head. "Head shots don't do anything to me buddy. Just ask Mark."

Mark nodded in agreement. "There has never been a head butting contest he hasn't won. I think that when he was conceived, he somehow got a shit load of steel placed inside his skull instead of a brain."

"Oh go fuck yourself Marky," James snapped. He handed Nero over to Jeff. "I have a much bigger brain than you do."

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that Lawson. Live in your own little fantasy world like you always do. I'm going to choose to stay here in reality."

"You know, you might want to be nice to him," Glenn warned his older half brother. "If he somehow--and I'm hoping this doesn't happen, don't get me wrong--gets elected president, he could choose to make your life a living hell."

Mark rolled his eyes. "Like he doesn't already? I swear, his very existence makes me completely miserable."

James grinned and kissed Mark on the cheek. "I love it when you get all dramatic. You sound so ridiculous that it makes me feel much better about myself."

"Awww!" Gangrel and Raven said at the same time.

Mark glared at both of them. "Shut up," he growled. "Or you're not going to like what I'll do to you if I get my hands on you."

Jeff suddenly perked up like a dog who had heard a new noise. "The mailman is coming!" he exclaimed. He grabbed a butcher knife off the table and started running towards the front door. "I must get him!"

"Daddy wait up!" Nero yelled as he and Melina ran after Jeff.

"Woof woof!" Melina yapped, almost sounding like a real dog.

Everyone just stared for a moment before turning to James for an explanation. This caused him to sigh in frustration. "Why do you people always look at me to tell you why?" he asked.

"Because he's your kid," Christian said like it was the most obvious explanation in the world.

"So?" James said defensively.

"Just tell us why he's after the mailman!" Mark snapped.

"Fine! We got this sweepstakes thing in the mail that Jeff filled out because he wanted to win a million dollars."

"And?" Kelly prompted when he didn't say anything else.

"And he didn't win."

"And?" Stacy prompted when he stopped talking once again.

"And now he blames the mailman!" James shot everyone an annoyed glare. "Jesus, you act like Jeff does half the things he does for a reason."

Glenn shook his head. "Man, that poor mailman is going to get it." He cocked his head to the side. "Anyone else want to order some pizza?"


	3. Chapter 3

Nero knew the entire family was going out on the campaign trail tomorrow to be by James's side. Now what exactly a campaign trail was, he wasn't one hundred percent sure. It had to be something that had to do with James wanting to be president. He had tried to ask his parents, but Melina wasn't talking to anybody and Jeff had been playing with his chainsaw, so no answers had been found there. Then Ashley and Kelly had offered to take him and Cheyenne (who was something like a big sister to him) to the park. That had driven the campaign question out of his mind completely.

The only other person at the park was some kid who looked like he was about Cheyenne's age. For some reason, there was something about the boy that Nero did not like at all. He was too young to understand where that feeling was coming from, but it compelled him to climb to the very top of the equipment and watch that boy carefully.

As it turned out, Nero was correct in his feeling that the boy needed to be watched. When Ashley and Maria were busy talking, the boy pushed Cheyenne off the swing as hard as he could.

"Ow!" Cheyenne whined. She glared up at the boy. "What was that for?"

"For being in my way," the boy snapped. "This is my swing and nobody else can have it." He stared kicking the little rocks right at her face.

Nero growled. He did not like this boy at all. He was being mean to someone he liked. He took the knife Jeff had given him out of his pocket. The only thing he had ever used it on was animals. Today he was going to change that. Acting on pure instinct alone, he jumped down from the equipment and landed on the bully, driving the blade deep into the boy's neck.

"Nero no!" Kelly yelled. She and Ashley had started heading over closer when the bully had started kicking rocks at Cheyenne, but they hadn't been fast enough to stop little Nero.

There was blood everywhere, but Nero didn't mind. His parents were usually covered in it, so he was used to it. He yanked the knife out and let himself drop down to the ground. "The bad kid is dead," he said. He looked at the girls as Ashley grabbed Cheyenne and Kelly picked him up. "I made him dead."

Kelly sighed as they ran to the car. "Bad Nero! You're not supposed to do that in public! What if someone else would have seen you? Are you trying to get yourself taken away?"

Nero whimpered. He didn't like it when Kelly yelled at him. It always made him feel sad. "He had to die!" he moaned. "He was bad!"

Kelly just sighed again and got him into the car with her. Ashley started driving back home as fast as she could. "Fuck! Mark is going to throw a shit fit when he hears about this."

"Nero was just trying to protect me," Cheyenne said, coming to Nero's defense.

Nero nodded. That was very true. He probably wouldn't have killed the boy if he hadn't messed with her. "Daddy will be proud," he muttered.

"Yeah, well we would all be proud if you had done it at a better time," Kelly told him. "You can't just go kill people all willy nilly. You have to be careful. Killing is against the law and cops lock up killers when they catch them. Do you want to get locked up?"

"No."

"Then you need to hold off on the killing until we teach you when it's a good time to do it and when it's not. Okay?"

"Okay." Of course, just because Nero said that didn't mean he had any intention of doing that. Now that he had a taste of it, he had learned that killing humans were much more fun than killing animals.

Much, much more fun.

XXXXXXXXXX

Jeff grinned and planted kisses all over Nero's face. It was several hours later and he was watching James and Mark pack. Tomorrow they were hitting the road, taking the freakshow that was their family all across the country. "Who's a good little killer?" he asked. He tickled Nero's ribs. "Who's a good little killer?"

Nero laughed. "Stop Daddy! That tickles!"

Mark glared at the both of them. "Don't encourage him," he snapped at Jeff. "That was some dumb shit he pulled at that park today. He could have gotten us all in trouble with that bullshit."

James shook his head. "Give the kid a break Mark. He's only three years old. He didn't know any better." He closed his suitcase and gave Nero a kiss on the cheek. "Besides, it's better to get him started with the killing as soon as possible. We don't want him missing out on the fun."

Jeff grinned at the look on Mark's face. The older man was still not happy with what Nero did, mainly because it had been so blatantly reckless. But Jeff was insanely happy with his son at the moment. It meant the little family killing sprees he had secretly been taking Nero and Melina out on had did what they wanted him to. "Don't listen to Uncle Mark," he told his little boy. "He's never happy with anyone. I don't even think he knows how to be happy."

"Boy, don't you start with me," Mark growled. "I am not in the mood today."

"Tammy's on the rag and has been bitching at him all day," James said, providing an unwanted explanation for Mark's mood. "After all these years, you would think he would know to avoid her at all costs when she's like that. But NO, he just keeps going back for more and more."

Mark punched him on the arm. "Go to hell James." He grabbed his stuff and stormed out of the room.

"Why does he want you to go to hell?" Nero asked James. "Doesn't the devil live there?"

Jeff started to laugh. "Some people think I'm the devil."

Nero looked back at his father with interest. "Really? Why?"

"Because I'm a bad man."

"Oh. Well I like you anyway Daddy."

"Thanks. I like me too." He got up and put Nero on his shoulders. "Come on. I cut off some girl's fingers this morning if I want to see if I can ruin Miz's dinner by putting them in his food."

"Again?" James said in disbelief. "Don't you ever get tired of doing that?"

Jeff frowned. "Come on, this is Miz we're talking about here. Why would I get tired of messing with him?"

"Good point. Okay, go have fun then."


	4. Chapter 4

Three days into the campaign trail, Mark officially became more amazed with James than he had ever been in the past four decades of knowing him. James was already becoming the favorite in the entire election, and nobody else on either side could touch him yet. A lot of it had to do with his speeches. Now Mark had always known from personal experience that James was persuasive and charming, but since Stacy was the only one who had paid attention when he had worked his mojo while becoming governor, she was the only one who was even remotely prepared to watch him put every single one of his audiences under his spell each and every time he opened his mouth. "I don't know whether to be impressed that he's managing this or get pissed at the audience for drinking his Kool-Aid," he finally said. He looked at the others. "What do you think?"

Raven just shook his head. "Fuck, I'm jealous over here. I thought I was fucking one of the greatest at manipulating people, but he's blowing all my shit out of the water."

"Guys I'm scared," Miz confessed. "I think we might really have to become Canadians after all. If James keeps this kind of shit up, there's no way he's losing this thing."

Christian glared at him. "Is there something wrong with being Canadian?" he growled.

"Yes. The weather is cold and you people are scary."

Mark laughed as Christian punched Miz. They were standing in the back of the crowd at James's latest rally. James had tried to get him to come up on stage with him, but he had absolutely refused. The last time he had gotten up on a stage with James, the idiot had actually introduced him as his husband. Of course, they had been in a bar full of conservative, homophobic bikers when that happened, and it had been entirely on purpose on James's part. Mark hadn't trusted James on stage with a microphone since that night, and he wasn't about to start doing it now.

Tammy grinned at him. "Do you think he'll get married to Stacy just to really keep his little charade up?"

He glared at her. "No. He's been married twice in the entire course of his life. Both happened when he was drunk, both happened at drive-thru chapels in Vegas and both didn't last more than three days."

"Really?"

"Yup. The first time he married Dwayne's sister when he got drunk and decided to take revenge on me for spending more time with a girl he hated than with him. But Dwayne's sister was too annoying and she had an accident that wasn't really an accident."

"Oh. What about the second time?"

"We still don't know. He was on a three day coke binge at the time and when he finally came to his senses, he found out he had gotten married and had the whole thing annulled during that time. I think both cases effectively prove why he is not the marrying type."

Raven smirked. "Or maybe you just don't want him to be the marrying type. You don't like to admit it, but if he had gotten married and stayed that way like you did with Sara for awhile, you would have killed his wife in a heartbeat."

Mark glared at the birdman. "Fuck you mother fucker. I don't ever get jealous of dumb bitches."

Tammy nodded. "Yeah, he just get jealous if James goes off with another guy."

Okay, maybe that one was true. Mark had never admitted it before (and he probably never would), but he got insanely jealous whenever James chose to flirt and be with another guy. If he actually had feelings, they would have been hurt every time that had happened. "Just go to hell," he said irritably. "You can ride a one horse open sleigh to hell and stay there."

"Aww, we made Marky mad," Raven said. He stretched his arms out. "Come on everybody. Let's give him a group hug so he'll feel better."

"No! No group hug!" Mark yelled, attracting quite a bit of attention. He tried to get away, but the bastards got him anyway. "Ugh! I hate you fuckers! Get off of me! I am going to get a disease from this!"

Christian burst out laughing. "You're not going to get a disease from a group hug you idiot."

Tammy's phone rang at that moment. "Hello?" she said as she answered it. A minute later, she stopped hugging Mark and her jaw dropped in shock. "Oh my God. Are you serious? Shit, shit, shit. Stay there and keep an eye on Melina. We'll see if we can find him."

Miz groaned. "Oh God, it's Jeff isn't this? He got out again and now he's going to go somewhere that he's not supposed to."

Tammy nodded. "Yeah, and it's worse this time."

"Really? Why?" Raven asked.

"He actually left a note this time, and it said that he was going to Hollywood."

Mark groaned. He knew what Jeff meant by that. Jeff didn't mean that he wanted to go off and meet like an actor or something. The crazy bastard meant that he wanted to go on top of the Hollywood sign and toss someone off of it. "Son of a bitch." He looked up at the stage. James was just finishing up with what he was doing. "Let's go get the father of the psycho and then see if we can the fucker back before he does anything stupider than usual."

"Yeah," Christian agreed as they went to go meet up with James and Stacy. "He could change his mind at any moment and decide he wants to go meet someone famous. Then we would really be in trouble."

Mark glared at him. "You know you probably just jinxed the hell out of us, don't you?"

Christian sighed. "Yeah, I know. And you can hit me later for it. We don't have time to waste at the moment. We have a psycho to stop."


	5. Chapter 5

Jeff stood on top of the H of the Hollywood sign. He liked it up there. It was nice and quiet…although he still didn't have anyone to throw all the way down to the ground. "Nero come on," he whined. "Come up here with me. I'm lonely up here."

"I'm too short Daddy," Nero complained. He was pouting at his father. "And I keep slipping."

"So grow and stop slipping."

"I tried to. I don't even want to go up there. I want to go try to find Barney the Dinosaur."

"Why? I hate that guy."

"I do too. That's why we need to find him. We find him, you kill him, and then me happy."

Jeff considered that. Killing always did make him happy. "Okay then," he agreed. He jumped down from the sign and picked up Nero. "You persuaded me child. Let's kill us a purple dinosaur."

Now the killing of Barney sounded like a good plan, but there was just one catch: they couldn't find the purple bastard anywhere. They searched all around Hollywood, but he was nowhere to be found. "The big fucker is hiding from us," Jeff growled. He was starting to get angry. If he didn't kill something soon, he was going to freak out. "I need to kill…I need blood…oooh, there's ice cream over there."

Nero perked up. "Ice cream?"

"Yeah, let's--"

At that moment, a guy came barreling into them, knocking hitting Nero on the back. Jeff immediately caught the guy and shoved him into an empty alley. Without even blinking, he took his knife out and slit the guy's throat. "Stupid bastard," he muttered. He looked at Nero, who was still in his arms. "You okay buddy?"

Nero started to answer but he was cut off by the sound of applause. Jeff frowned and turned around. Some guy wearing a Yankees baseball jersey was walking towards them and he looked impressed by what he had seen. "Very impressive Mr. Hardy," he said with a grin. "Very, very impressive."

Jeff eyed the man carefully. "Uh…thanks, I guess." He looked at Nero. "What the hell is up with this guy?"

Little Nero shook his head. "I don't know Daddy."

The guy just kept grinning. "I'm Vince Russo, with TNA productions. In my spare time, I have a fascination with serial killers, which is how I know who you are."

"Uh huh, I'm getting really bored here Vince," Jeff said.

"Of course you are Jeff. I know your attention span is not exactly the largest thing in the world, so I'm going to get straight to the point: while you've spent the last three years pretending to be dead, your cult status has grown. There are plenty of people out there that believe you are not dead. Books have been written about you, TV movies have done about you, and now TNA productions is planning on releasing a major motion picture about your life."

Now Jeff was starting to get a bit interested. "So…I'm famous basically."

"Well, infamous probably be more of the correct term, but that's not the point. The point I am making is that despite the fact that I fully support the movie my bosses want to make, I know what Hollywood does to these kinds of movies. What I'm interested in doing, is collaborating directly with YOU. It can be anything you like: a movie, a documentary, just an interview, a reality show--whatever you want, I can provide you. What do you have to say about that?"

Jeff thought about it. That sounded very interesting, but he knew it was going to piss everyone else off. He was supposed to be hiding somewhat still. Plastering his face out there in the media was going to get him in trouble. But he did like trouble, and there was something about what this Russo guy was saying that appealed to him. "The FBI," he said, actually voicing the concern that the others would have. "They'll see it and come after me again."

Vince grinned. "No they won't. I'm not talking about a massive distribution here Jeff; I'm talking about getting our thing out to a very select audience that is a lot larger than you think. Go out on the internet and Google your name; you'll find thousands of fan clubs dedicated to you. They're the ones who believe you are still alive and they're the ones who want to see this. In their eyes, you're bigger than Bundy or Son of Sam, or the Zodiac--hell, you're better than Jack the Ripper to them. You want to know why?"

Jeff nodded. Hell, he liked Jack the Ripper and he wanted to know why people thought he was better.

"Because even though the FBI knew exactly who you were, they never got you. You ALWAYS had a way out. You were the one who got away, and that's what scares the hell out of people. That's why people love you." Vince grinned and stuck out his hand. "What do you say Jeff? Do we have a deal?"

Jeff looked at Vince, then at Nero, then at his knife and then finally back at Vince. He needed to think about this carefully. James and Mark were going to kill him if he agreed to do this. The others wouldn't be very happy either. They were going to yell at him, and then they would probably kill Vince just so he wouldn't be able to do it.

Two seconds later, he was shaking Vince's hand. Hell, what did it matter? Who cared if the others killed this Vince guy? Jeff knew he was probably going to do it himself eventually, so why not have some fun and get more notoriety on the way? "Okay producer man," he said with a grin. "You've got yourself a deal."


	6. Chapter 6

James took several deep breaths. He needed to control his temper. He could not throttle Jeff, although the thought was very, very appealing to him. "Let me get this straight," he said slowly. He was gritting his teeth so hard that they really hurt. "Three years ago, I went through a whole bunch of trouble to get you declared dead, yet now you're going to make a movie?"

"Documentary," Jeff corrected. He was bouncing Nero up and down on his knee. "It's a documentary Dad. Don't you ever listen to a word I say?"

"Uh Jeff, I wouldn't correct him right now if I were you," Gangrel said. He was looking at James warily. "He looks like he's going to--"

"Snap crackle and pop," Cactus finished.

Melina giggled. "Like Rice Krispies."

James scowled and started pacing back and forth. He did not want Jeff to do this. He did not like the sound of this Vince Russo guy at all. The guy sounded like a fucking scumbag con artist. "You're not doing this," he finally growled. "There is no way we are letting you do this."

Jeff's eyes darkened. "What did you just say to me?" he growled back. He handed Nero to Melina and stood up.

"Boys, let's not do this," Stacy said. She, Tammy, Ashley and Kelly got in between Jeff and James. They obviously did not want a fight to break out. "Let's settle this peacefully."

"And no, we do not mean you two can cut each other into pieces," Tammy said before Jeff could open his mouth.

Mark grabbed James by the shirt and glared at him. "I don't think you should have told him no like that," he whispered. "He's two seconds away from attacking you."

James pushed Mark away violently. "I don't give a flying fuck right now," he snarled. He looked back at Jeff. "What the fuck were you even thinking? Do you really think this won't somehow get into the FBI's possession?"

Jeff glared at his father defiantly. "Nothing bad is going to happen. You just don't want me to have any fun."

"Come on James, stop overreacting," Miz said. "I've seen some of these really underground movies and they're really, really protected. Nobody who makes or watches them wants them to fall into the authorities hands. They're all like snuff films or other kinds of crazy ass shit that will fit Jeff perfectly."

Dwayne frowned. "Dude, don't get involved in this shit. James might kill you too."

"No he won't. He'll be too busy killing Jeff first and that will give me time to run away."

Nero frowned. "Don't kill Daddy," he whined at James. "I love my daddy."

James just threw up his hands and sighed. He knew he wasn't going to win in this situation. Jeff was going to do whatever the hell he wanted, without a care about the consequences. The only way he was possibly going to be stopped was if he was locked up somewhere, which was just not going to happen because of all the traveling that needed to be done. "Whatever. I'm fucking done with this shit. You do whatever the hell it is you want to do Jeff. But if this somehow fucking leads to you getting caught, I'm not fucking coming in and rescuing you. You'll fight your own way out of the loony bin this time." He stormed out of the room, purposefully knocking over a lamp as he did so. Maybe having a temper tantrum wasn't exactly the mature thing to do, but damn it, he was pissed.

Mark came after him a moment later. "You know, I'm not any happier about this than you are," he said as he tried to make James stop walking. "But you fucking look like you're taking this as a fucking insult, and I know how fucking stupid you can get when you feel insulted."

"I'm just fucking worried and that pisses me off," James growled. "I fucking hate worrying." He stopped and took a deep breath. "Let's find this Russo guy and see what the fuck his deal is. If I don't like him, we'll kill him and be done with it."

"What about Jeff's movie?"

"Fuck Jeff's movie. If we have to, we'll direct it for him. I just need to make sure this asshole isn't trying to screw my son over."

XXXXXXX

Kelly leaned over Ashley's shoulder and stared at the computer screen. "Are you sure you want to look this up?" she asked. "I'm not sure if I want to find the people out there that are fans of Jeff. They sound like they're going to be major fucking creeps."

Ashley shrugged. "I just want to see if that Russo guy is right about that. If Jeff really has a whole bunch of fans out there, this documentary could make us a boat load of cash."

"See, now you're speaking my language," Christian said. He patted Ashley on the shoulder. "You're a good woman. You've got brains and a willingness to eat out other chicks. You're perfect in my book."

Kelly rolled her eyes. "You're such a perv." She looked over at Jeff. He had been extremely agitated ever since James had said the words "loony bin". "Are you okay?" she asked.

"I'm not going back there," Jeff muttered. "I'm not getting locked up again." He sat down next to Melina and chewed on the end of his hair. He looked like he was lost in a rather unpleasant memory.

"Holy shit," Ashley said.

Kelly looked back at the computer screen. Her jaw dropped as far as it could go. The search results for "Jeff Hardy fan club" had brought up 3, 454, 654 pages of hits. It was the most insane thing she had ever seen, and that was saying something, considering she was living with serial killers.

"Ashley honey, I think I need to correct you on something," Raven said. He looked like a kid on Christmas morning. "We're not just going to make a boat load of morning. We're going to end up being filthy fucking rich off of this."

Kelly grinned. _Filthy fucking rich? I like the sound of that._ "What do you think Jeff? Do you want to be our cash cow?"

Jeff grinned back at her. "Moo!"

"I'll take that as a yes."


	7. Chapter 7

It took Mark and James a little longer to find Vince Russo than they thought it was going to. The little weasel could hide out really well. But eventually they got his address and they did what they did best: they kicked down his door and let themselves in. "You know, I got a real kick out of your speech the other day," he said as he closed the door behind them.

James looked back and frowned at him. "Which speech? I've been giving a lot of them lately, in case you haven't noticed."

"I'm talking about the one you did on family values. You killed your parents and your brother, you had a love affair with your twin sister that spawned an incestuous love child, and now you're trying to help that kid stay out of jail so he can continue his evil and murderous ways. I hate to tell you this James, but you are probably the last person in the world that should be talking about family values."

"Okay, now that offends me. I have terrific family value. Just because they are a little untraditional does not mean they are bad." James led Mark into the living room, which was where they found Russo working on something with his computer. He had ear phones in his ears so that was why he hadn't heard them come in.

"Dude, we could kill him now and just leave," Mark pointed out.

James shrugged. "Yeah, but I'm kind of interested in what this guy has to say. If he manages to piss me off, I'll enjoy killing him that much more."

Mark rolled his eyes as James ripped the ear phones out of Russo's ears and dumped the smaller man out of his chair and down to the floor. James had been and always would be about self gratification.

"Hello Vinnie," James said as he pinned the weasel down by placing his foot on his chest. "I've heard you made my son a little movie offer that he just happened to accept."

Russo just looked confused. "Wait a second…aren't you that governor that's running for president?"

James grabbed Russo by the shirt and easily lifted him up in the air with one hand. "That is not what's important right now," he growled. "What's important is the little movie deal you made with Jeff. Now you probably impressed him with your big old words and you stroked his ego by promising to make him famous, but I don't quite buy it Weasels like you usually have an angle, and as Jeff's father, I'm here to murder you if I even get the vibe that you are fucking playing my son."

Russo held up his hands in surrender. "Hey hey hey, take it easy now! There is no other angle besides making money off this movie. I don't want Jeff to get caught and I certainly don't plan to turn him in."

Mark folded his arms over his chest and studied Russo carefully. Russo seemed to be the type to truly believe his own bullshit, but he seemed genuinely interested in only making a movie about Jeff. "Put him down James," he ordered. "Let's let the stupid bastard talk some more."

James set Russo down on the floor, but he didn't release his grip in any way, shape or form. "So it's the money you're interested in?" he growled. "Tell me Vinnie, how much of this money does Jeff get?"

"I haven't actually discussed that with him yet," Russo answered quickly. "I'm very willing to negotiate with him."

Mark shook his head. This whole thing was a little weird to him. Back in the good old days, serial killers were feared by everyone. Now this nut job wanted to make an up close and personal documentary about Jeff of all people. He grinned as a thought came into his head. "Put him down for a second," he told James. "And come over here."

James shot Russo a nasty glare before tossing the smaller man on the couch and going over to Mark. "What?" he whispered.

"Look, this guy is an idiot, but he might be an entertaining one," Mark whispered back. "This guy isn't going to turn Jeff in. You've got to sense that. He sees Jeff as a gold mine and he doesn't want to lose that."

"Yeah, you're not giving me any real reason not to kill him," James said as he shook his head.

"Oh we will kill him," Mark assured him. "He won't live long enough to see a dime from this documentary. But let's let him make it because he actually wants to do it. You don't have the time to, I don't want to and everyone else won't have the patience for it."

James took that into consideration. "Good point," he finally said. He looked back at Russo, who hadn't really heard a word they had just said. "Okay Vinnie, you can make your little documentary," he said. "But you will be doing most if it by yourself. You're running the camera unless you really need someone else, and then we'll make Miz do it for you. And you're coming on the road with us, but you better stay the fuck out of the way as much as you can. Do you understand me?"

Russo nodded.

Mark patted James on the shoulder. It was usually James who was more into the games while Mark chose to just plain kill people. But when Mark wanted to play, he really liked to play.

Vince Russo had no idea that the countdown to his death was already on.

XXXXXX

Kelly danced to the music, swaying her hips from side to side and grinning at Ashley all the while. They were in their room and she was dancing on the table just for Ashley. It was the first time today that they had been alone since that morning and they wanted to take advantage of it.

Ashley, who was laying on the bed, motioned for her to come over. "Come on Miss Kelly. Come join me over here."

Kelly got off the table and crawled on top of Ashley. Their lips met immediately, and Kelly shivered as Ashley's hand caressed her breast. "Baby…"

A loud thump from outside the door caused them to both groan. "Christian!" they yelled at the same time.

"Oh come on!" he yelled back. "If I can't watch, can I at least listen?"

Ashley and Kelly just rolled their eyes as they took off their bra and panties. "You think we should give him a show?" Ashley asked with a grin.

Kelly grinned back at her and laid back on the bed. "I think we should." She wrapped her legs around Ashley. "Take me baby. Take me now."

XXXXXXXXXX

Christian and Raven grinned at each other as they listened to Kelly moan and scream Ashley's name over and over again. They had only one thing to say about this little development.

"Lesbians rule!" Christian proclaimed as he high fived Raven.


	8. Chapter 8

Jeff picked out the microphone that was now attached to him. He and Russo were sitting in the living room at the moment. The rest of the gang was still sleeping. They were now in Phoenix, and James's amazing connections had given them a nice big comfy house to sleep in. "What are we doing in here?" he asked as he glanced at the two cameras that had been set up. One was pointed at him and the other was pointed at Russo.

"We're going to have ourselves a little interview," Russo explained. "I figured I could get to know you a little better before I film you in action."

"Okey dokey then." Jeff looked at the weasel of a man with great interest. "Ask away."

"When did you first get the urge to kill somebody?"

Well that was directly to the point. "When I was three," Jeff answered honestly. "A boy who lived up the street had a toy truck I wanted and he didn't want to give it to me. I picked up a rock and bashed his head in until his brains came out."

"How did you feel when you did that?"

"I was excited about getting the toy. That truck was fucking sweet. It made noise."

"Did anyone ever find out what you did?"

"Matty did."

"That was your older brother, correct?"

"Yeah. He took the body and threw it down the well in our backyard. We never used it because the water was contaminated with something, so it was the perfect place to hide bodies."

Russo nodded. "Did your parents ever suspect your true nature?"

"They knew what I did. Gil wasn't my daddy though, so he just kind of stayed away from me. And Mommy didn't really like me because I was bad like my real daddy."

"Who's your real daddy?"

"James. Mommy didn't want him to have me either. That's why she kept me."

"She must have loved you somewhat though, because she didn't do anything to stop you from your ways."

Jeff just shrugged. He had never thought of it that way before. But honestly, why did it matter anymore? She had been dead for a really long time now. "I killed my grandmother on Halloween," he said, changing the subject. "I killed her and a priest. They said I was possessed by the devil and they tried to perform an exorcism on me."

"That must have made you very angry," Russo said sympathetically. "Having your own grandmother turning against you like that."

Jeff snorted. "Grandma Hardy never liked me. She didn't like Matt either. She said he wasn't any better than I was."

"Were you and Matt close as kids?"

"Yeah. He was my only friend for a long time. Neither of us had any friends at school and he liked to kill, just like I did."

"But your killing got you in trouble when you were about thirteen, didn't it? You killed a boy right in the middle of your classroom and you were institutionalized for several years."

Jeff clenched his fists angrily. He didn't want to think about the time he had spent locked up in the mental hospital. It was one of the only things in his life that had haunted him for any real length of time. "Yeah," he said quietly. "I was."

Russo looked down at the notebook he was holding. "You were imprisoned in Shady Hills, which was actually shut down after your escape because while the authorities were dealing with the mess you left behind, they discovered the barbaric way they treated their patients." He looked up at Jeff. "Can you tell us about that?"

Jeff clenched his jaw shut. He was fighting the urge to kill Russo for bringing this up. "They shocked me and drugged me and beat me," he confessed quietly. He pulled down his shirt to reveal his collarbone. "Do you see the way the bone looks funny there?"

Russo made the camera zoom in before looking at it himself. "Yeah, I see it."

"One of the security people there broke it with his nightstick, and they never took me to the doctor. It never healed right." He put his shirt back up. "I showed them though. I got Matty to come save me, and he killed them. Most people thought it was me, but I only killed the doctor in charge of me. He was the one who hurt me the most. He made me weak, so I cut his face off."

"Daddy? I'm hungry."

Jeff looked over and saw Nero coming down the stairs. "Hey kid," he said happily. He got up and walked over to his son. "What do you want to eat?"

"Cereal." Nero rubbed his eyes before looking at Russo. "You're not dead yet?"

Russo shook his head. "No, why would I be dead?"

"Because someone here is probably wanting to kill you."

Jeff shushed his son as he carried him into the kitchen. "Don't tell him that!" he scolded. "It'll ruin the surprise." He set Nero down on the table and grabbed a box of cereal. "It's rude to ruin surprises."

"Sorry Daddy." Nero didn't really look sorry and Jeff really didn't care. He just poured Nero his cereal and handed it to him. "Thank you Daddy," Nero said.

Melina came into the room at that moment. "The sand is talking to me," she whispered.

Jeff raised his eyebrows. "Really? What's it saying?"

"It wants you to kill Jeff. It wants to eat the blood that you spill." She started making whispering noises as she turned in a circle.

Jeff grinned. "Well who am I to argue with the sand?" He looked at Russo. "You ready to see what I do best Vinnie?"

Russo nodded.

"You want to go Nero?"

"Can I finish my cereal first?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, then I'll go with you."

"Good, that settles it then." A massacre in the desert…now who couldn't have fun with that?


	9. Chapter 9

Jeff hummed along to the radio as he drove himself, Melina, Nero and Russo deep into the desert. The girl he was planning to kill was tied up inside the trunk. Her name was Rosa and she was only sixteen years old. Now normally he usually didn't go to this far of lengths just to kill someone, but if he did this, he could say he killed someone in the desert. And it was always fun to try out new things.

Russo kept the camera on Jeff as best he could, despite the lack of control Jeff was keeping of the car. "Do you actually have your license?" he asked nervously.

Jeff frowned. "Why would I have one of those?"

"Daddy I want to drive!" Nero said suddenly. "Let me drive Daddy! Please?"

"Okay buddy," Jeff said. "Come on up here and get in Daddy's lap."

Nero unbuckled his seatbelt and climbed up on to Jeff. Jeff let Nero take the wheel and the car immediately started swerving like crazy. Little Nero did not seem to understand that this was not a toy car and if the steering wheel was moved from side to side like crazy, the car would go with it. "Vroom vroom!" he squealed in delight. "Vroom vroom!" He honked the horn a couple of times. "Speed up Daddy! Make it faster!"

"I see death," Melina said gravely from the backseat. "Our blood will be in the sand now."

Russo looked as pale as a ghost. "Jeff please take the wheel," he pleaded. "I know Nero wants to drive, but he's going to kill all of us if he's not careful."

Jeff pouted. Nobody was being very fair to poor Nero. "Stop moving it like that buddy," he said reluctantly. "You can just hold it still."

Nero looked back at Jeff with a pout on his face. "But that's no fun Daddy!"

"I know, but sometimes we all have to do things that aren't so fun. Like when you were a baby, there were a couple of times I had to change your diapers because nobody else was around to do it. And that was no fun at all."

"Oh, so it's like when Aunt Stacy makes me eat my vegetables even when I don't want to?"

"Yeah, or like disposing of a dead body when all you want to do is just leave it to rot."

"Oh, okay then. Daddy, you hang on to the wheel with me. You teach me how to drive right."

So Jeff helped Nero drive and after about ten more minutes, he got bored so he pulled the car over. "Here's good," he announced as he took the keys out of the ignition. "Everyone out. We've got a bitch to kill."

"Blood in the sand, so sticky and sweet," Melina whispered as they all got out of the car. "Hot….wet….sticky….sweet…"

As she continued her little mantra, Jeff opened the trunk of the car and dragged Rosa out by her hair. "Come here pretty girl," he said happily. "Come to Jeffey."

Rosa tried to free herself from his grip with very little luck. "Let me go," she begged. "Please, I just want to go home."

Jeff looked back at Russo, who was filming the entire thing. "They always beg like that," he said wisely. "They act like it's going to save them or something." He smacked Rosa across the face as hard as he could. "They act like I care that they want to live." He took his knife out of his pocket. "But honestly, I only want them to die. That's why people are here. They're here to die for me." He giggled insanely. "They're all my little toys."

"Daddy has big toys that scream," Nero piped up. "I don't get them as much."

"Well you're getting one today," Jeff said. "Do you have your knife with you?"

Nero nodded and got it out. "I always have it Daddy."

"Good boy." Jeff straddled Rosa. "On the count of three, you start stabbing along with Daddy, okay?"

"Okay Daddy."

Russo actually took the time to get closer to them so he could get a better camera angle. But Jeff didn't give him much more thought. He had more important things to do. "One…two…three!"

Nero actually stabbed first. He got Rosa right on the shoulder. The sight of blood sparked something inside of Jeff, and the next thing he knew, he had absolutely no control over his own hand. He was just stabbing wildly, getting blood everywhere. Nero tried to match Jeff stab for stab, but he couldn't move his arm as fast as Jeff could. Still, all together, they probably stabbed Rosa over one hundred times.

Once Jeff's arm was tired, he got back up to his feet and wiped the blood on his hands on to his pants. He watched as Russo panned the camera down Rosa's body, capturing all the damage that had been done to her. He didn't care if this guy was a moron; he was an amusing one because he definitely was heartless. Anyone who had an ounce of humanity wouldn't have filmed all that without saying one word.

Nero tugged on Jeff's pant legs. "Daddy I'm hungry," he complained.

Jeff grinned. "Me too. Let's go get some Burger King."

XXXXXXX

James came in the front door and immediately went into the living room so he could collapse on to his chair. He had spent the entire day campaigning for his presidency. The whole day had consisted of shaking hands, making speeches, coming up with solutions for problems he honestly didn't give a shit about and acting like he was the right person for the job. But in his heart, he knew he wasn't. He only wanted it because everyone else thought he couldn't get it.

_Well sometimes, that's enough for me_, he thought as Mark came into the room. "Hey Marky."

"Jesus Lawson, you look like hell," Mark said bluntly.

"I feel like hell." James kicked his shoes off and sighed. "We have to spend another day here and then we have to go down to Texas."

Mark grinned. He liked Texas. But then his grin disappeared. Something was bothering him. "You know, if you go really far with this whole president thing James, people are going to start wondering why you aren't married."

James hadn't thought of that. "Well I'll tell them that there's no woman out there I want to marry."

"Not even Stacy?"

"Hey Stacy's cute, I'll give her that. And she knows her role very well. But I've been married twice before and there's only one person I ever truly wanted to marry."

Mark frowned. "I'm starting to think I shouldn't have brought this subject up."

James got to his feet. This subject had actually been going through his mind off and on for years now, but he had never actually talked about it before now. "Marry me," he demanded.

"What?"

"You heard me. Marry me."

"You can't be serious."

"Why not? You and I both know we belong together. We haven't touched Stacy and Tammy in years and it hasn't just been because they've been fucking other people." James grabbed Mark by the hand and pulled him closer to him. When they had been younger, he had thought Annabelle was meant to be his soul mate. But it wasn't until she died that he had realized she had been everything he had been missing: a conscience and a soul. Mark wasn't that. Mark was like him, a monster, a murderer. And they completed each other in their own little twisted way. "Come on Mark, marry me. Don't make me get down on one knee and ask."

For a minute, it looked like Mark was going to say no. But then he just sighed and nodded. "Fine. Let's do it."

James couldn't believe what he had just heard. "Are you serious?"

"I just told you yes, didn't I?"

Laughing maniacally, James hugged Mark and kissed him roughly. "This is going to be great!"

"No, this is going to be a disaster."

"Hey, there's a fine line between disaster and greatness."

"Yeah and we're going to stay on disaster's side."

"Oh don't be a piss ass." James couldn't even pretend to sound angry though. He was too excited. He and Mark were finally getting married, and that was all he gave a shit about. _Now I just have to tell the others…they better be excited or I'll kill them all. I'm not even joking about that._


	10. Chapter 10

Cheyenne sat down in the corner as everyone was gathered into the living room to hear James and Mark's big announcement. She always like sitting there because she usually went unnoticed by everyone else. Being unnoticed by almost all the people here (with the exception of Kelly, Stacy, Ashley, Tammy and occasionally Nero) meant that she didn't have to start being a monster like all of them. Sure she was somewhat used to it by now because she had been with these people for three years now, but that didn't mean she wanted to do it too. She just wanted to live and not end up on the wrong side of anyone's knife.

"So what exactly do you two have to tell us?" Raven asked once everyone was gathered in the room. "You interrupted me kicking Dwayne's ass in Battleship."

Dwayne rolled his eyes. "Bitch please! I had you so beat."

"Dude, did you really just say that?" Miz asked. "Did you seriously say that?"

"I did actually," Dwayne said. "Do you have a problem with that?"

"Don't you two start that shit," Mark growled before Miz could reply. "I'm actually in a good mood right now and I'm not going to let you idiots spoil it."

Cheyenne raised her eyebrows in surprise. Mark was never in a good mood. He was the one who was always grouchy and yelling at everyone else. She had even seen him attempt to strangle Christian when the younger man had tried to make him smile by force once. It had been really scary and not something she ever wanted to see again.

"Wow, I think hell has just officially frozen over," Gangrel commented. He grinned at Mark and James. "Okay, now I really want to hear the news that has you two all excited."

James looked like he was literally going to burst from his own happiness. "Mark and I are getting married!"

That announcement was met with a stunned silence. Nobody could believe what they had just heard. Everyone just looked at each other in disbelief. Something needed to be said. Something that summed up what they were feeling.

"Well it's about fucking time!" Stacy and Tammy blurted out at together.

"Yeah really," Raven agreed. "I thought you two were never going to realize this was exactly what you needed to do."

James grinned and wrapped his arms around Mark. "I'm just shocked that this fucking bastard agreed to do it. I always thought he would cut off my head and put it on a stick if I ever dared to pop that question."

"Oh I still might do it Lawson," Mark said. "Don't take us being engaged as a reason for you to feel safe."

Jeff began to bounce around on the couch excitedly. "I'm going to have two daddies, I'm going to have two daddies!"

"You know what? We need to celebrate this occasion," Dwayne said. He was grinning at all of them. "I think it's time we pay Roxxi another visit and have ourselves a big ass, engagement bash."

"Won't that throw James off schedule for his whole campaign thing?" Ashley asked.

James shrugged. "Who gives a shit? I'll change my schedule as we go. Besides, I might be sabotaging my bid for the election right now just for marrying Mark."

"Oh believe me Lawson, if anyone on the face of this earth is able to convince this country that it could use a gay president, it is you," Mark said. "You and your big fucking mouth can do wonders."

Cheyenne was shocked because the first part of that sounded like a compliment. Mark never complimented anyone, especially James. But then she made a disgusted face because that second part of what he said sounded entirely inappropriate. And from the look on everyone else's face, they were thinking the same thing she was.

Mark rolled his eyes at them. "Get your fucking minds out of the gutter! That was not what I meant!"

James smirked. "Although he has been known to compare my mouth to a Hoover from time to time."

Glenn groaned. "I did not need to hear that, you sick bastard."

Nero looked at Jeff in confusion. "Daddy, why is Mark comparing Grandpa's mouth to our vacuum?"

"I'll explain it to you when Mark isn't listening," Jeff replied.

"No you fucking will not!" Mark growled. "I may be an evil son of a bitch, but I draw the line at telling a three year old that kind of stuff."

"Wow, I'm glad we have morals here now," Miz said sarcastically. "It's a little fucking late now considering that the child has already killed two people, but at least he's not going to be a PERVERTED killing machine now that you're stepping in."

"Boy if you keep talking to me like that, I'm going to kick your ass so badly that you'll never be the same again!"

Cheyenne rolled her eyes and vacated the room while the argument between Mark and Miz really got started. Knowing all of them, things would just keep escalating until a fist fight broke out and then someone would get tossed through a door or a window. That was what usually happened anyway, and at the moment, she didn't want anything to do with it. If they were going to New Orleans, she was going to start packing her stuff. They hadn't seen Roxxi in a long time, and she had a feeling that this trip was going to be a lot more memorable than any of the ones she had been on before.


	11. Chapter 11

While the psychos were heading down to New Orleans, a man named Eric Bischoff was sitting out on his hotel room patio. He was also running for president and he was widely considered to be James's greatest opposition in the entire race. He was definitely on the ultra-conservative side of things, but he was charismatic enough to hide some of his more extreme views to get more moderate or undecided people on his side. "Where the hell is Lawson?" he asked his right hand man Tyson Tomko as he stomped on the butt of his cigarette.

Tomko shook his head. "All I know is that he's supposed to be in Iowa a week from now. Assuming he wins that little caucus--"

"Oh he will," Eric said. That was the part that drove him absolutely insane. James was an unbelievable public speaker; if he had to stand at a podium and tried to sell a bag of monkey shit, he could do it with absolutely no problem. He was better than Eric could ever hope to be, and if it came down to the two of them, Bischoff didn't think he stood much of a chance. That was why he had to dig up some dirt on James and douse the Lawson fire that was growing before things got out of control. "That's why I hired you in the first place. You're supposed to be finding stuff for me to use against him."

"And I'll find it," Tomko replied. "Everything will work out for the best Boss. You just wait and see."

Eric snorted. "You better pray you're right Tomko. Because if you're not, then I'll personally see to it that your life is a living hell. You got that?"

"Yeah, I got it."

XXXXXXXXXXX

James flipped through the newspaper as Mark continued to drive. He found a very interesting article about Eric Bischoff, who many considered to be his main opponent in the whole election thing. Bischoff had grown up in Detroit, and had gotten into politics after spending six years as a sleazy defense attorney. He started out as mayor of Detroit before moving up to governor of Michigan and then becoming a senator for that state. He was definitely any conservative's wet dream, and an annoyance to James, mostly because of where the asshole stood on the gay marriage subject. "He's going to have a field day with me once we get married," he said as he put the newspaper down.

Mark frowned. "Who's going to have a field day?"

"Bischoff."

"That little fuckbutt who looks like a used car salesman?"

Jeff, who was in the backseat with Nero and Melina, giggled madly. "Poppa Mark, what's a fuckbutt?"

"Eric Bischoff and people like him are fuckbutts," Mark replied. "Remember that Jeff. If a fuckbutt tries to fuck with you, you kick their ass to Siberia. You understand me?"

"Yup," Jeff said with a nod. "You understand Nero?"

Nero nodded. "Yes Daddy." He looked at Melina. "What about you Mommy?"

Melina just hummed and rocked from side to side. James was going to take a wild leap and assume that meant that she understood. And even if she didn't actually understand, what did it matter? It wasn't like her understanding of the world around her was a matter of life or death.

"So where exactly are we going to go to get married?" James couldn't help but ask. He figured he might as well try to get Mark to talk about it now since they hadn't really discussed it at all since they officially became engaged.

Mark shrugged. "I was just thinking it we could do it at home. I don't want to do it down here with Roxxi because she gets all weird during weddings. Remember when we let her have one at her place and she chopped a rooster's head off and got everyone all bloody?"

James laughed. He had actually found that kind of funny. Then again, his sense of humor was kind of twisted, so he would be the one who found that hilarious. "Yeah, but I don't want to wait too long Marky. Fuck, this marriage has been like forty years in the making already."

"And I'm sure it can wait until we fucking agree on when and where it's happening," Mark snapped irritably. "You just need to cool your jets Lawson. It's not going to be the end of the world if we don't do it right this second."

"How do you know?" James asked with a pout. "Maybe it will be the end of the world and then you'll be really sorry if you don't go along with what I want."

"It's the end of the world as we know it. It's the end of the world as we know it…" Jeff sang loudly.

Mark shook his head. "Yeah, I highly doubt that is going to happen."

James sighed and folded his arms over his chest. Sometimes it didn't matter what he did; he just couldn't win with Mark. "You're a bastard. I hope you know this."

Mark patted the top of his hand. "Yeah, but you love me anyway."

Well yeah, that was still true, but James wasn't going to admit it. He wasn't one who waved the white flag of defeat easily. So he just snorted at what Mark said and ignored him for the next two hours. Even when they stopped along with the others (who were spread out between three other cars) he still didn't talk to Mark. Unfortunately, Mark just seemed to be amused by his pouting, and it was not getting the effect James wanted. When they finally pulled up to Roxxi's mansion, he just abandoned that plan all together. He knew when something just wasn't working, and this was one of those times. "You and I are going to have the conversation I want to have," he informed Mark as they got out of the car. "You can't avoid it forever."

Mark rolled his eyes. "I'm not avoiding the subject. I just hate it when you get all antsy. You act like a fucking jackass when you get like that."

James opened his mouth to respond when Natalya and Victoria came running out of the house like there was no tomorrow. They ran past the new arrivals and yelled something that none of them could understand. "What the hell was that?" Gangrel asked.

Roxxi came running out of the mansion at that moment, drenched head to toe in blood and doing some kind of jerky dance movement as she went. She was screaming in some sort of weird language at the top of her lungs and she went right past all of them like they weren't even there.

"So I'm guessing we came at a bad time," Raven said slowly.

James nodded. He couldn't disagree with that. Sighing, he grabbed his bag and threw it over his shoulder. Since the voodoo girls were obviously going to be busy for awhile, they might as well just make themselves at home.


	12. Chapter 12

As it turned out, the whole Roxxi, Natalya and Victoria running out of the house thing was because an attempt to get some bad spirits out of the house had gone horribly, horribly wrong. Now how exactly it went wrong was still beyond Jeff, but a few things were pretty clear. The house was trashed (either the girls had done it themselves or the "spirits" had done it), and there were headless rooster carcasses everywhere. It was actually really gross, and he was glad that Tammy, Stacy, Ashley and Kelly decided to take the liberty of cleaning the place up. Some of the rooms were starting to smell funky from the dead animals.

"Daddy, why do the Voodoo Aunties always have to be so crazy?" Nero asked. He was sitting on the floor with Melina. The two of them were coloring in some of Nero's coloring books.

Jeff shrugged. "I don't know. They just are." He dug through his bag and pulled out his slinky that Matt had gotten for him years ago. "Slinky, slinky, everybody loves a slinky," he sang happily. Besides from knives and anything else he could use to torture people, this was his favorite toy.

Christian came into the room without knocking. "What are you guys doing in here?" he asked.

"Playing," Jeff answered. "Now go away before I stab you."

Christian rolled his eyes. "Come on Jeff, quit wasting time up here. The others and I are trying to convince Mark to let Roxxi marry him and James either tonight or tomorrow."

Jeff sat up and stared at the blonde man. "Can she do that?"

"Legally? I have no idea," Christian admitted. "But legalities are a waste of time. It's the meaning of this ceremony that's going to count the most." He started to look like he was getting impatient with them. "Besides, Kelly and Ashley are going to make a cake if we can get this show on the road. And I like cake, so march your asses down there and talk some sense into your soon to be new daddy!"

Now normally Jeff would have stabbed Christian for yelling at him like that, but he liked cake too, so that was what spawned him to get up and run out of the room. Nero and Melina yelled at him to wait up, but he didn't. They would catch up eventually. Right now, there was something slightly more important going on.

The others (and James was included in this) all had Mark trapped in the living room. "Come on, I want my wedding!" James whined. He was glaring daggers at Mark. "You can't just accept my proposal and then keep me waiting. It's not right!"

"Yeah Mark," Stacy agreed. "This is going to be the wedding of the century. You can't make us wait anymore for this!"

Gangrel nodded. "Dude, I have never seen a bigger train waiting to wreck and I want to witness this before I get too old to enjoy it."

Tammy smacked him on the back of the head. "Don't talk like that dumbass! You don't want to jinx them."

Dwayne rolled his eyes. "I hate to tell you this Tam, but calling this a train wreck in the making isn't a jinx. It's just kind of stating a fact."

Glenn nodded. "Yeah, it's basically just pointing out what we've known about this relationship for years."

Mark glared at all of them. "First of all, this is not your business. Second of all--"

Jeff interrupted him by plopping down on his lap. "Come on Mark, stop being so stubborn," he said sweetly. "Marry my Daddy." He pouted his lips and tried to look all sweet and innocent and whatever else he needed to get his way. "I'll be sad if you don't."

Mark rolled his eyes. "Jeff stop it. You are not a child." He tried to dump Jeff off of his lap when James sat down on him too. "Oh Jesus, why are you on me?" he whined. "I--"

James kissed Mark, earning all kinds of catcalls and whistles from the others. By the time they broke apart, Mark looked like he had been kissed stupid. "Marry me tomorrow morning," he said quietly. "We'll get things ready tonight and we'll do it first thing after we wake up. I know I drive you absolutely insane, but you know you love it baby."

Mark just shook his head in amazement. "You are such an ass Lawson."

James grinned. "Was that a yes?"

Mark rolled his eyes before kissing James.

"That's a yes," Jeff announced. He got off of Mark's lap and hopped up on top of the coffee table. "Alright ladies and gentlemen, we have to get this show on the road!" he yelled. "We need cake, we need flowers and rings and cookies and knives and guns and biscuits and beaver nipples and whips and chains and--"

James got off of Mark and put his hand over Jeff's mouth. "Jeff? Please shut up. Mark and I are planning this thing and you will all do exactly what we say."

Miz snorted. "Oh yeah? Who made you the boss?"

The glares Mark and James sent his way were enough to even frighten Jeff a little. "What did you say boy?" Mark asked dangerously.

Miz took a few steps back. "Nothing, I said nothing."

James nodded. "Good boy." He looked at Mark and held out his hand. "Shall we?"

"We shall," Mark confirmed. He let James pull him up to his feet and the two of them went off to another room to plan their own wedding.

"I give them an hour before that ends in a screaming match," Victoria said.

Natalya shook her head. "Honey, don't give them that much credit! I give them thirty minutes."

Jeff giggled. Oh this was going to be so much fun.


	13. Chapter 13

The rest of the night was filled with chaos. There was a lot to do before the wedding and nobody seemed able to actually get their acts together. Stacy and Tammy kept trying to make a cake, yet every five minutes, James would change his mind about what kind he wanted. Finally, after about six false starts, Stacy informed James that if he did not knock it off, there would be no wedding because she would shoot him in the face. Then Kelly and Ashley tried to order flowers on short notice, but then Mark started yelling about how he didn't want flowers, and he terrorized both girls and the poor guy on the phone from the flower shop for a good half hour. Gangrel and Christian started trying to clean up the house in case they got any other guests to come to the disaster in the making, and somehow they encountered a wild boar that chased them around the house three times before Natalya got a hold of it and put it on a least. Apparently it was Roxxi's pet.

Jeff was sure Gangrel and Christian were going to kill her for that, but cooler heads prevailed and they didn't. He was very disappointed about that.

"Are we going to have to get dressed up for this thing?" he asked Raven, who had just made a bowl of popcorn so they could eat it while they watched the insanity unfold. "Because I don't like getting dressed up."

Raven shook his head. "I doubt it. Mark and James hate getting dressed up too, so that's one problem we won't have to worry about."

"Do you think they'll let me be the flower girl?"

"Why would you want to be the flower girl? You're not even a girl. And besides from that, Mark's pretty anti-flowers, which just goes to show just how evil he truly is."

Jeff pouted. He didn't give a damn what Mark didn't like at the moment. He wanted to be the flower girl (or boy or man or whatever the fuck he was). "How about I'm the eyeball boy instead?"

Raven sighed. "Does that involve you tossing eyeballs around?"

"Well yeah, of course it does. That's why I would be the eyeball boy."

"Shouldn't Nero be the eyeball boy? At least he would look cute doing that."

Jeff sighed impatiently. God, did he have to explain everything to Raven? "Because I want to do it damn it!"

Nero, who had been on the floor coloring in his coloring book, looked up at them. "Grandpa said I'm going to be holding be babysitting Mommy and making sure she doesn't cause any trouble," he told them.

Raven chuckled. "Yeah, maybe I'll help you with that so I don't have to do anything else." He looked at Jeff. "I swear, Melina is as bad as Beth was during big events like this."

Jeff didn't say anything in response to that. He was suddenly how struck by how sad he felt when he heard Beth's name being spoken. Nobody really talked about her that much anymore. He hadn't even thought about her lately because his mind was never one to dwell on things for too long after they were gone. But deep down, he suddenly realized that she was still alive because they would still be together.

Raven didn't notice Jeff's reaction and Jeff didn't give a shit. He just got up and went upstairs to his room. Melina wasn't up there. That was okay though. He didn't want to see her at the moment. If he did, he would possibly kill her without thinking twice just because she wasn't Beth.

Eventually he drifted off to sleep and when he woke up the next morning, his sadness was a distant memory. There was too much going on to let him dwell on anything but the wedding. Since there was no time for him to get enough eyeballs to be an eyeball boy, he settled for some chicken feet he found in one of Roxxi's spare bedrooms. Once he got all of those in a basket, he went into James's room. "Dad?" he said as he let himself in.

"Yo," James replied. He was wearing a plain black t-shirt and blue jeans. "What do you need Jeff?"

"I'm going to be the chicken feet boy," Jeff replied.

James rolled his eyes. "You know Jeff, Mark and I aren't actually going to walk down an aisle. We're just going to stand where we're told and then just have Roxxi marry us."

Jeff glared him. "You want to know something Dad? This wedding is not just about you. This is also about me and my chicken feet. And considering that I was sad last night, I want to toss chicken feet at people's heads!"

"Wait, why were you sad last night?"

Jeff didn't get a chance to answer that question. Lots of crashing and yelling coming from downstairs interrupted him. He and James looked at each other before running out of the room. "Now what the hell has happened?" James muttered.

"Oh my God, put that down!" Kelly screamed. "Don't cut off its head!"

"Roxxi says it's tradition," Victoria explained.

"No, she just wants to kill it!" Ashley snapped.

"Dude, I'm not having chicken blood on me," Christian said. "Roxxi, give me that butcher knife!"

"Technically these things are roosters," Raven said matter of factly.

"Is that the issue here?" Christian asked him.

Roxxi started chanting in tongues.

"Bitch, I'm not wearing rooster blood on my wedding day!" Mark shouted. "Now hand Christian the knife now!"

"Mommy, get away from that cake!" Nero ordered. "You can't have any now!"

"The stars are singing to us," Melina sang softly.

"This is chaos incarnate," Russo narrated.

"What the fuck is going on?" James demanded to know.

Jeff giggled as everyone froze in their tracks. Christian had Roxxi by the wrist. Roxxi looked like she was going to tear his fucking eyes out. Ashley and Kelly were trying to protect the half a dozen roosters who were still walking around. Raven was just standing there and grinning away. Nero and Melina were standing by the cake that was on the table and Melina looked like she wanted to eat it. Russo was filming the entire thing and Mark just looked like he wanted to kill everyone in the room and be done with it.

"You know, I always thought this wedding would be a disaster just because of you two," Raven said. "But now I'm starting to see that the rest of us might actually be part of the problem."

"Oh you think?" Mark said sarcastically. "What gave you that idea?"

"Everyone just stop," James ordered. He looked like he was going to join Mark in the killing of everyone. "Nobody is wearing rooster blood and nobody is going to be arguing like chipmunks on crack."

"I don't think chipmunks--"

"Raven, today is not the day to be questioning my sayings. I want to start this fucking wedding in an hour and I will gut anyone who gets in the way of that. Do you fuckers understand me?"

Everyone nodded. "We are so clear," Kelly said.

So with that, everyone got their shit together (sort of). Roxxi did managed to kill one rooster and dump the blood just on herself, but nobody dared to argue with her about that. Nero got Melina away from the wedding cake with the help of Ashley and Tammy. Since Mark and James didn't want to deal with best men or ushers or bridesmaids, Raven, Gangrel, Christian and Dwayne all just set up chairs outside so everyone could sit the fuck down and watch the ceremony. A few of the locals showed up, and the wild boar promptly chased them around until Victoria and Natalya got it reeled back in.

"I am going to get that animal and kill it," Mark growled as everyone started trying to go outside and sit down. "I swear it will die before the day is done." He looked down at Jeff and frowned. "Why do you have chicken feet?"

"Because there's no flowers and I want to be the little chicken feet boy," Jeff replied.

"Boy, you have serious issues that need to be dealt with. Are you aware of that?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, I'm just checking."

Outside in the backyard, Cactus and Miz had set up a little platform for Mark, James and Roxxi to stand on. While they were getting up on there, Jeff started going around the audience and tossing the chicken feet at people's heads. "Here comes me, here comes, here comes Jeffey and he has some chicken feet!" he sang in tune with the wedding march Natalya was playing on an organ.

"EW, oh my God!" Stacy shrieked. "Jeff stop that!"

"No, I will not. No I will not. No I won't stop, you fucking stupid bitch!" Jeff sang back at her.

"Don't call me a bitch!"

"Okay you skank!"

"Bastard!"

"Cunt!"

"You little--"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" James screamed at the top of his lungs.

Everyone went quiet. The only sound that could actually be heard was Nero sucking on his candy.

"Okay then," Roxxi said. "Dearly beloved killers, we are gathered here today on a day that might rain to join together Mark and James. Fate, nature, magic, killing, violence, friendship and rough sex have brought these two to together, and their bond is stronger than anything else on this planet…I think."

Christian snorted, which got him a glare from everyone around him. "Sorry," he muttered. "It slipped."

"Anyway, even though I doubt this marriage will be recognized by law, we kill people so we don't actually care," Roxxi said, getting them all back on track. "Mark, put the ring on James's finger."

"I know what to do damn it," Mark said as he did just that.

"Mark, don't be difficult," James said.

"I'm not being difficult!"

"Mark do you take James to be your husband? To have and hold? To kill together and sickness and health and all that shit?"

"Yeah sure," Mark said.

Jeff leaned up towards Glenn. "This is not exactly romantic," he whispered.

Glenn raised his eyebrows. "After all the shit that went on before this wedding, I think they're just exhausted from not killing all of us."

"And James, do you take Mark to be your husband?" Roxxi asked.

"Yup," James said with a nod.

"Then with the power invested in me as the Voodoo Queen, I pronounced you married. So please kiss already."

Mark and James kissed, and just seconds later, loud thunder scared the shit out of all of them and then it began to pour. Jeff yelled happily and began jumping around, while Glenn only had this to say.

"Well at least we didn't get struck down by lightning. That would have sucked."


	14. Chapter 14

James and Mark didn't have time to go on a honeymoon right away. James had to go back on the campaign trail, so with the exception of Roxxi, Natalya and Victoria, everyone else joined him out on the road. But while the others were all in joyful spirits, James was asking himself some serious questions. He was starting to doubt this whole running for president thing. The power this position held was still alluring, and the fact that he felt his own friends and family actually doubted that he could win was fueling his pride (they never said that of course, but he could tell they thought it from time to time). But the truth was, he was just starting to realize the true depths of what he had just gotten himself into. The responsibility of that job would be tremendous and it would be a lot harder for him to get away at all and go kill someone just for the fun of it. And honestly, he wasn't sure if that would be something he would want to give up.

"So what's going on with this thing?" he asked Russo in an attempt to get his own doubts out of his head. The two of them were looking over some of the footage Russo had shot for the documentary already. "In your professional opinion, how good is this thing looking so far?"

"It's looking very good," Russo assured him. "The only thing I need is more sit down interviews with all of you. The only thing is, sometimes it's hard to get any of you to sit still long enough to do much talking."

"Well go tell them that I said to talk to you," James said. He propped his feet up on to the table. They had the entire floor of the hotel to themselves, so the others were all running around the floor, causing all kinds of havoc. "And if they give you any lip, tell them that I'll hit them with my leather belt." He was about to add that that threat should not be used against Mark, but he stopped himself just in time. While he had grown accustomed to having the sleazy filmmaker around, and he might even feel a little disappointed when the time came to kill him, he would still find it extremely funny to watch Mark rip the fucker from limb to limb.

"You're just trying to get me shoved out a window," Russo muttered under his breath. Still, he picked up his camera and left the room. Now James was all by himself. Sighing, he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He hadn't really realized until that moment just how tired he really was._ I'll just rest my eyes for a minute_, he told himself. _If I just close them for a few minutes, I'll feel better afterwards._

"James? James? Fucking hell, you have a fucking fever. Son of a bitch."

James opened his eyes and saw Mark standing by him. He felt even worse than he had before he went to sleep. Not only was his neck sore, but his whole body was racked with chills. "Marky," he rasped out. He took his feet off the table and then paused. That simple movement made his whole world spin and it almost felt like he was going to throw up. "Fuck, I don't feel good."

Mark sighed and lifted James right out of the chair before carrying him over to the bed. "Stay there," he ordered as he walked to the bathroom.

James groaned and quickly wrapped himself up in the blankets. Why was it so damn cold? It shouldn't have been this cold. Groaning, he tried to just go back to sleep.

"Hold on a second," Mark said. He forced James to sit up. "Open your mouth."

James did that and had two pills shoved into his mouth. He held them there until he felt a glass of water being pressed against his lips. He drank enough to get the pills down and then he laid back on the bed. He flinched a little when he felt a cold rag being put against his head, but he didn't open his eyes. He just buried himself further under his blankets and drifted off into an uneasy sleep as Mark put his arms around him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Melina stood out on the balcony with Kelly and Ashley. The two girls were talking among themselves and not really paying attention to her. She was used too used to that feeling to really care anymore. Nobody really paid much attention to her these days. They thought she was the useless kind of crazy that was to be pitied, but ultimately ignored. And maybe she was. She knew her mind wasn't what it used to be. There was a time when she could grasp reality fully, but those days were long gone now. Now she lived mostly in her own world, but there were very few instances where she was lucid. Well…she thought she was lucid anyway. And honestly, that was all that mattered to her.

She looked at the hotel and saw something that caught her attention. A large tattooed man was just standing at his window, and he almost seemed to be watching something. It was off to her right, so she looked in that direction. The only thing she knew to be over there was James and Mark's room…wait a second, she almost could tell who that was. It was a spy! He had been on a TV show! Yes, that was it. Someone was spying on them. That was the only reasonable

Making a quick decision, she decided to go find Jeff so they could get a look at this guy. Spies were not going to spy on them without permission. It just would not be tolerated. It was an offense punishable by death. And if there was one thing Jeff knew best, it was death.


	15. Chapter 15

"How is he?" Stacy asked quietly.

Mark sighed. He was sitting on the bed with James, watching his husband drift in and out of his sleep. "The ibprofin helped his fever a little bit but it didn't make it go away completely. I've been trying to keep a cold rag on his head, but he keeps moving around too much. I don't think he can get comfortable."

Stacy bit her lower lip. "Okay. You stay with him and we'll figure out where Jeff and Melina went on our own."

He frowned. "Jeff and Melina are missing?"

She nodded. "I don't think they've been gone for that long, but we all think it would be better to find them sooner rather than later. I was told to come and ask you and James for help, but obviously that's not going to happen."

"Yeah," he agreed. "You're definitely right there."

"Oh well. We'll probably find them soon enough. A few people might get killed before we get a hold of them, but I guess that just will make this whole thing business as usual."

Mark almost chuckled as he watched her leave. "Yeah, it's just business as usual." He frowned as James muttered something incoherent. "James? Sweetheart?"

"It wasn't my fault," James muttered. "I didn't do it."

Mark frowned even more. "What's not your fault?"

"Put the bunnies in the cannon and fire at will. Pirates fear bunnies."

If it wasn't for James being sick, Mark would have laughed at that. Sighing, he grabbed the wet rag he had been using earlier and went back to trying to cool James off.

"No, don't take the bacon. I like the bacon where it is. I can see the pig's soul in it still."

"Okay, what the hell are you dreaming about?" Mark asked. "You're killing me here with the suspense James."

James didn't answer him. He just let out a whole bunch of incoherent mumbles before drifting off again. Sighing, Mark kissed the back of the sick man's neck. Apparently he wasn't going to get to find out why the pirates were afraid of the bunnies and how exactly a pig's soul could be seen in bacon. _I'll just ask Melina to tell me when the others find her. She's bound to have an interesting theory on the subject._

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jeff grumbled his breath as Melina pulled him along like he weighed nothing at all. They were at the hotel across the street now and they were trying to hunt down the person who had been spying on them. He was kind of cranky about the whole thing because he had been watching a movie before this and Melina had made him pause it to go spy hunting. "Are you sure there's a spy here?" he asked. "How do you know it wasn't something else?"

"It was a spy," Melina insisted. "I could tell. The eyes don't lie."

"Whatever," Jeff said grumpily. He looked around. "How do you even know where we're going? We've never been to this hotel before."

"No, that's just you. My first took me here a long time ago. I stood where that spy is standing now and I could see everything perfectly."

"Okay then." He didn't know if that actually happened or if she had just convinced herself that it did. Her grasp of what was real and what wasn't was worse than Nero's and Nero was just a kid.

She kept pulling him along in the empty hallways before finally stopping in front of a door. "This is it," she told him. "This is the room."

He raised his eyebrow. "Are you sure about that?"

She glared at him before knocking on the door. "Room service!"

It took a moment, but they could hear someone coming towards the door. When the door opened, a very large and heavily tattooed man glared at them. "You're not room service," he growled.

Jeff responded to that by kicking the guy in the nuts and shoving him back into the room. "Wow, are you like a detective or something?" he asked as he and Melina quickly entered the room. "How did you figure that one out?"

Melina shut the door behind them and locked it. "He's the spy," she said. "He's the one peering into our souls."

Well that was all fine and dandy, but there was one problem: the guy was a hell of a lot bigger than Jeff was. Jeff's kick in the nuts only worked for a short period of time. With a mighty yell, the guy recovered from the kick and speared Jeff into the wall. Jeff felt the air leave his lungs completely and he was so stunned by it that he could do nothing as he was tossed across the room. _Okay, I should have brought someone else along to help me. This is not good._

Melina shrieked and jumped on the man's back. He immediately grabbed her by the hair and yanked her off of him. That gave Jeff just enough time to recover so he could attack again. He grabbed the lamp that was on the dresser by the bed and smashed it over the large man's head. That stunned the man long enough for Melina to grab Jeff's knife and stab him right in the leg.

"Nice," Jeff said as the guy went down, screaming in pain. He got off the bed and gave Melina a high five before yanking his knife out of the man's leg. "Now let's see if we can make him talk instead of just scream."

The man clutched his injured leg and glared at both of them. "Who the hell are you two?" he snarled.

Jeff glared at him. "I'm asking the question here asshole. You tell us who you are."

"Fuck you," the man snapped.

Growling, Jeff stuffed a nearby sock into the guy's mouth before stabbing him in the other leg. He then waited until most of the muffled screams died down before removing that sock and trying again. "What was that now? I don't think I heard you right the first time."

"Tomko," the man gasped out. "Tyson Tomko. That's my name."

"Why were you spying on us?"

"My boss told me to."

"Who's your boss?"

"I can't tell you."

Jeff stomped on Tomko's ribs as hard as he could.

Tomko wheezed and coughed in pain before speaking again. "Bischoff! Eric Bischoff! He told me to spy on Lawson and see if I could get anything that could be used to get him out of the running for the election."

Politics. Fucking politics were just all kinds of fun. Jeff didn't like the fact that somebody was trying to discredit his dad, so he went ahead and slit Tomko's throat. "Come on," he told Melina. "We have to dump him somewhere."

Melina cocked her head to the side. "What about Bischoff?"

"We'll get him later." Jeff was damn sure going to see to that. _If Bischoff wants to play a game with my daddy, I'll play a game with him. I'll play a nice little game where he'll scream and scream and scream some more. Nobody tries to fuck with my daddy and gets away with it. Absolutely nobody._


	16. Chapter 16

James woke up the next morning still feeling pretty bad, but at least he was better than he had been during the night. He tried to change positions, but he discovered that he couldn't because Mark was holding on to him too tightly. "Marky," he said impatiently. "Get off me Marky. You're suffocating me."

"You have to tell me what the pirates are up to Lawson," Mark muttered sleepily. "I can't fight them if I don't know what to expect."

James frowned. Okay, even with his somewhat fevered mind, that still hadn't made since. "Marky! What the fuck are you babbling about over there?"

Mark opened his eyes. "What? Oh, are you feeling better?"

"A little," James said. He forced Mark's arm off of him and sat up. He felt kind of weak and dizzy, but at least he felt somewhat like himself again. "I still feel kind of like shit though." He frowned. "Why were you talking about pirates?"

Mark sighed. He actually looked embarassed. "Last night, when you were all delirious and shit, you started talking about how the pirates were afraid of bunnies and it got me dreaming about how we had a house full of bunnies and the pirates were trying to get in and kill them all."

James stared at Mark incredulously. Once he realized that Mark wasn't joking, he just burst out laughing. That was officially one of the stupidest things he had ever heard in his life.

Mark shook his head. "I'm glad you see the humor in all of this. You're not the one who had to dream that fucking weird ass shit."

"Sorry Marky," James said, not really meaning it. He rubbed his head a little bit, still trying to shake off his leftover dizzy spells. It was probably just a nasty little virus that had knocked him on his ass so completely the ngiht before.

There was a knock on the door. "Whatever it is, we don't want any!" Mark said irrtiably.

The door opened anyway. "I swiped an extra room key from you guys," Raven explained as he came in. "I was only knocking to try to be polite."

James smirked at the bird man. "You were trying to be polite? My God, the world is coming to the end! Hide the children and dogs! We're all doomed!"

Raven rolled his eyes. "Ha ha, you're a riot Lawson."

"Did you guys find Melina and Jeff?" Mark asked.

James frowned. "Melina and Jeff went missing?"

"Last night," Raven confirmed. "And they came back on their own with the most interesting news. Apparently Eric Bischoff sent some guy named Tomko to spy on you so they could find something to use against you in the election."

"Oh," James said. He was still out of it so he couldn't even get angry properly. "That little bitch. I'll kill him for that."

Mark put his hands up. "Hold on James. This is politics, not war."

Raven and James exchanged looks. Was Mark really being serious right then?

Mark smirked. "First we must drag his name through the mud and then we'll kill him."

James grinned. Now that was more like it. Whoever said politics couldn't be fun obviously wasn't doing something right. "I love your diabolical mind Marky," he said affectionately. "Can I kiss you right now?"

"No," Mark said. "Kiss Raven and make him sick. That will make me laugh."

Raven jumped back like he was about to be shot. James sighed and pouted. This was not fair. Nobody loved him anymore.

Mark rolled his eyes and kissed James on the cheek. "There. Is that better?"

James nodded. "Thank you Marky."

"Any time hun. Now come on. Let's think of ways to ruin Bischoff's life before ending it."

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Jeff, what do you think of your family right now?"

Jeff rocked back and forth in his seat, staring at Russo intently. "I dunno," he said innocently. "What am I supposed to feel?"

"Do love them?" Russo prompted.

"Um...I love Daddy and Nero," Jeff replied. "And I like everyone else but Miz. He's annoying."

"Yes, I do say he is," Russo agreed. "I interviewed him today for the documentary and he couldn't stop talking about how awesome he is."

Jeff giggled. "Yeah, he does that a lot. Just threaten to kill him and he'll knock it off."

"I'll make sure to remember that. Now, you did not find out that James was your real father until just a few years ago. Tell me how you felt when you found that out."

Jeff shrugged. He was surprised by how hard this being interviewed thing could be when the other person involved actually wanted answers. "I was mad."

"Why?"

"Because he never told me. I got mad and I wanted to kill him, but then he gave me treats and I grew to love him all over again." He looked at his watch impatiently...and then he realized he didn't have a watch on. "Can we hurry this up? I'm bored."

Russo chuckled. "A little antsy today, are we?"

"Well I want to kill Eric Bischoff. He tried to spy on Daddy and that is a no no."

Rusoo raised his eyebrows. "You know, I've heard rumors about Bischoff. He tried to make it in my company before becoming a politician. My boss didn't hire him because of the stash he had hidden in his house."

Jeff sat straight up. "Stash? Like drugs?"

"No, it's supposed to be worse than that." Russo looked around. "Now I can't say what it is because I'm not the kind to spread rumor and slander without proper knowledge. But I do know where he lives and I think he would still have his dirty little secrets hidden in there."

"Well we should go look and make sure," Jeff said eagerly.

Russo nodded. "I agree one hundred percent. Besides, if we don't find anything, you just can kill him when he walks in the front door."

Jeff grinned. He liked the way Russo was thinking. Maybe he wouldn't kill Russo after all. The little weasel was actually coming around nicely to their way of thinking. "Come on. Let's tell Daddy the plan. He'll like it." _And if he doesn't, he'll kill Russo and then I'll laugh and kill Bischoff without worrying about any stash. Either way, I win._


	17. Chapter 17

"Are you sure this whole breaking and entering thing is such a good idea for you to tag along with?" Christian asked James. "I mean, if we get caught--"

"We're not going to get caught," James interrupted. "We are the Ministry of Darkness and we do not get caught. Right Jeff?"

"Uh huh," Jeff said happily. "But Russo isn't in the MInistry. He could get caught."

"I will not," Russo objected. "I can be very sneaky when I need to be."

_For his sake, that better be true,_ James thought to himself. He, Mark, Christian, Jeff, Russo, Gangrel and Raven were currently attempting to break into Bischoff's house. It was a couple of days after Russo had told Jeff the supposed stash of incriminating shit Bischoff had hidden away and now that James was feeling like himself again, he wanted to find out Bischoff's dirty little secret. "Just all of you fuckheads remember to stay cool," he ordered. They were approaching Bischoff's back yard. All they had to do was hop over the fence and get in through the back door. Of course, there was always the possibility that that would be easier said than done, but that was okay. They could deal with the trouble if it came looking for them.

"We're cool Boss," Christian said. "We're cool as--"

"You say a cucumber, I'm ripping your throat out," Gangrel threatened. He flashed his "fangs" (which were really just his canine teeth that he had sharpened to the point that he was making his own lips bleed all the time) and made a threatening gesture towards Christian.

Christian rolled his eyes. "Fuck you dude."

James silenced them with a glare and they continued on their breaking and entering quest. They got into the back yard to find that the door back there was locked. But unfortunately for Bischoff, the lock wasn't good enough once Raven got to picking at it. "Oh yeah, who's the man?" Raven asked once he got the door open. "Huh? Tell me who he is."

"You are, you fuckhead," Mark replied as they went in. "Now please shut the fuck up."

James looked around. Bischoff's place was okay, but it was way too clean. If someone kept their place this clean, it had to mean that they were hiding something.

"He could have a maid you know," Mark whispered in James's ear.

James grinned. "How did you know what I was thinking?"

Mark grinned back at him. "Come on, how long have we known each other? I definitely know about your theory about people and clean houses."

"Well seriously Mark, who bothers with it? I mean dishes and laundry and taking out the trash I get, but otherwise, it all seems like a waste of time."

"That's because you are a lazy dumbass. But don't worry; I'll have you scrubbing floors in no time."

James snorted. "Yeah right. You hate cleaning just as much as I do." He frowned as he realized the others were all staring at them. "What?"

"Are you two done talking about that fucking shit?" Gangrel asked. "Because we would like to search the place sometime tonight."

Both James and Mark flipped Gangrel off but they did start helping the others with the search. Them and Jeff went downstairs to search the basement while Gangrel and Raven took the first floor and Christian and Russo went to look around upstairs. "Oooh, look how dark and dirty it is down here," Jeff said excitedly. "There could be monsters down here!"

"There's no such thing as monsters," Mark reminded him. He started reaching out and searching for a light switch. "Damn it, where the fuck is it? I want to see something in this shit hole!"

James reached out and managed to find the switch in one try. "Got it!" he said happily.

Mark rolled his eyes. "Son of a bitch. That's not even fair."

"Oh get over it," James replied. He lead Mark and Jeff down the stairs and they began looking around. Most of the stuff down there appeared to be junk. Old photo albums, broken pieces of furniture, rusted bikes and various odds and ends that were absolutely no use to anybody. "This shit is absolutely worthless," James muttered. "Do you think the others are having more luck than we are?"

"I hope so," Mark said. "Because I don't--"

"Daddy! Marky! Come over here!"

James and Mark walked over to Jeff, who was in the corner, tearing at the floor with his bare hands. "What the fuck are you doing?" James asked.

"There's something under here," Jeff replied. "Now help me!"

James and Mark exchanged looks before shrugging and helping Jeff with tearing the floor away. With the three of them, it didn't take long to get the job done. "Holy shit," Mark said under his breath. They all just stared at Bischoff's dirty little secret. "That is some fucked up shit."

James nodded in agreement. Now he had been killing people for about three or four decades now, but this was sick, even with his standards. "Fucking pedophile bastard," he muttered as he looked at the kiddie porn Bischoff had stashed away. "We're gonna get him for this." He got up to his feet and motioned for Jeff and Mark to follow him. "Come on, let's get out of here. We need to--" He stopped talking when he heard the front door open.

"What the fuck is that?" Mark whispered.

Jeff giggled. "Bischoff's home. We're so busted."


	18. Chapter 18

"Shit!" James cursed under his breath. This was not good. What in the blue hell was Bischoff doing home right this second? The guy could have at least had the decency to wait like twenty more minutes so that they would have been long gone. "Damn it to hell, this is not good!"

"Thank you Captain Obvious," Mark hissed. He started looking around. "I'm not sure we would have figured that out if it hadn't been for you."

"Fuck you Mark."

"Oh don't start that shit with me right now. We need to find a window that we can climb out of."

Jeff pointed to the other side of the basement. "There's a window," he announced. "See? It's right over there."

Yeah, there was definitely a window, but it wasn't that big. Jeff was going to have a hard time fitting through it, so there was no way James and Mark would even attempt it. Still, James grabbed Jeff and took him over there. Getting Jeff out was better than not getting any of them out at the moment. "As soon as you get out there, go see if you can find the others," James told Jeff. "They might have already gotten out. But make sure you keep hidden. Don't do something like get seen, got it?"

"Got it," Jeff said, nodding eagerly. "But how are you and Mark going to get out Daddy?"

James shrugged. "I don't know that. I'll figure that out when we manage it." He opened up the window and lifted Jeff up so that the younger man could crawl out. "Careful," he said as he noticed that Jeff was struggling a little bit.

"It's tiny," Jeff complained. "I want to come back in."

"You can't come back in. You need to keep going."

"But I can't breathe!" Jeff's voice went up a notch with his whine.

"And we'll all be going to jail if you do not shut the fuck up!" Mark hissed. He walked over and started pushing Jeff forward. "James help me," he ordered. "We need to get him out of here."

James started pushing Jeff too, much to Jeff's displeasure. It was a tight fit, but they managed to get him out of it. They were lucky to get him out when they did, because as soon as they shut the window again, the basement door opened and they barely had time to dive behind a set of boxes as Eric started coming down the stairs.

"Honey! Can you let the dog out back?"

Bischoff groaned and turned back around. "Damn woman can't ever do a damn thing by herself," he grumbled.

James exchanged a look with Mark as he noticed that the basement door was kept open. "Should we go now?" he whispered.

Mark shrugged. "It might be our best shot. It's risky though."

"Well I don't want to stay here until they go to bed, so let's go." James carefully tip toed from around the boxes and led Mark up the stairs. Each step they took caused the stairs to creak just a little bit. And every creak made James think that they were going to get caught. Luckily that was not the case and James and Mark were able to creep down the hallway the others had taken off in just a short while ago. They could hear Bischoff's wife in the kitchen and they heard Bischoff himself yelling at the dog who was refusing to come in. Since the back door was in the kitchen and the front door was just too risky, James and Mark had to find another room that had a bigger window they could get out of.

"Shit," James cursed again, opening a door to find that it was a closet. "That doesn't help."

Mark opened the door next to it and motioned for James to hurry up. "Come on, in here."

James followed Mark in and quietly shut the door behind them. It looked like they were in a guest bedroom. "Oh hell yeah," James said as he saw that the room had a window that they could both actually get out of. "Now that's what I'm talking about."

"Don't start celebrating yet," Mark told him. "Something could still go wrong and we could still get caught."

"I know I know," James said as he watched Mark open the window. "I know exactly what could go wrong Mr. Poopy Pants."

"Do not call me that."

"Poopy pants. Poopy pants. Mark is a poopy pants," James chanted. He and Mark both climbed out of the window. "Poopy pants. Poopy pants. Mark is a poopy pants."

Mark slugged James really hard on the arm before closing the window behind them.

"Ow!" James whined. "That's spousal abuse Marky. I could have you arrested for that."

"Don't be a fuckhead James," Mark said. They began getting their asses away from the house as fast as they could. When they got to the end of the block, Christian pulled the car up to them. "Get in," he ordered. "You two are the ones we've been waiting for."

James and Mark got in the door that Gangrel opened for them. "Now that was too fucking close for comfort," Mark commented as Christian started driving again.

"Jeff said something about kiddie porn," Raven said to James. "Is that seriously what you guys found?"

James nodded. "Bischoff is a pedophile. I knew he was an evil asshole, but I didn't even expect that."

Gangrel chuckled. "What has our political parties come to? On one hand we have a guy who's probably killed a couple thousand people in his lifetime and on the other we have a sicko who likes looking at naked kids. I am officially scared for this country."

"We could still go to Canada," Raven reminded him. "Not all hope is lost yet."

James pouted. "There is no need to go to Canada. I would do a good job running this country."

"What if they find out you're married to Mark?" Christian asked. "You still haven't talked about what you would do then."

James shrugged. "I'll deal with that later. Right now, I'm having too much thinking about how I'm going to ruin Bischoff before I kill him."

Mark put his arm around James. "What's this "I" bullshit? _We're_ gonna ruin Bischoff."

James grinned. "Aw, that's sweet."

"Hey, it's what I'm for."

"Gross," Raven muttered.

Mark glared at him. "Say that again and I'll rip your damn tongue out and shove it up your ass!"

There was a long silence after that. Then Jeff spoke up innocently. "So if you do that Mark, does that mean he's giving himself a rim job or are you technically giving him one?"

James laughed the rest of the way home. He was never ever forget the look on Mark's face after hearing that. It was absolutely priceless.


	19. Chapter 19

"So Bischoff's a pedophile?" Stacy asked James and Mark. They, along with Tammy, were in James and Mark's hotel room. They had decided to meet among themselves and see what the hell was the best way to move forward now that they had dirt against Bischoff.

James nodded. He was sitting on the bed with Mark, his shirt off and a cigar in his mouth. "I can't say for sure that he touches the little boys' no-no parts, but he definitely likes looking at them."

Mark shook his head. "We don't need proof of touching. The pictures are more than enough weapons to use against him."

"Good point." James handed the cigar over to Mark. "Those pictures were pretty fucking sick." Now that they were on to Bischoff's secret, all he wanted to do now was expose and then kill the fuck out of the slimy son of a bitch. And the sooner he got to that last part, the happier he would be.

Tammy took a drink from her glass of wine. "How exactly are we going to go about exposing him though? I mean, if we just go to the tabloids and stuff, it could be written off by some people as just a smear campaign. Plus it would be a warning for Bischoff to ditch his kiddie porn in case the cops come to search his house."

"So we go straight to the cops then and have them bust his ass," Mark said. He handed the cigar back to James. "They find the kiddie porn, they arrest him and then it becomes the scandal of the year. His reputation will be ruined, he'll be forced to withdraw from the campaign for president, and that will leave James to face off with the other party's half ass replacement."

"But do we have any connections to the police force here?" Stacy asked. "Cuz I don't think we do."

"No, but we have someone better," James said with a smirk. "We've got AJ."

"Styles?" Mark said in surprise.

"Yup. I've still got his number."

"But it's been like three years since any of us talked to him. Do you really think that he's going to do a damn thing for us?"

James shrugged. "It can't hurt to try. If he's slow to cooperate, then I'll just blackmail him or something." He took his phone out of his pocket and flipped it open. He still had AJ's phone number saved on there. Having an FBI agent's phone number and knowing that he could manipulate the goof into doing what he wanted was a nice feeling. It made him feel all happy inside and stuff. "Should I call him right now?"

"No, let's just sit on our asses and do absolutely nothing," Tammy said sarcastically.

James glared at her. "Bitch. You better hope I don't strangle you in your sleep tonight."

Tammy rolled her eyes and got up to get herself more wine. James flipped her off for good measure and dialed AJ's number. Stacy went over to the little mini-bar with Tammy and Mark rested his head on his pillow and looked up at the ceiling. James chewed on his thumbnail a little bit as he waited for AJ to answer. "Come on, come on, you slow son of a bitch," he muttered impatiently. "Would you pick up your damn phone?"

After about the third ring, AJ finally answered. "Hello?" he sounded like he was completely out of breath.

"Hey Styles," James said in his most friendly voice. "It's James Lawson. We need to talk."

AJ went dead silent over on the other end. "Dude, what the hell are you calling me for? I thought I told you that I didn't want to have anything else to do with you."

"Oh come on Styles. Is that any way to talk to the next potential president of the United States?"

"The thought of you running this country makes me scared for the future," AJ informed him. "Now seriously, what do you even want right now?"

"I need a favor."

"What kind of favor?"

"I need you to get some kind of police or FBI to raid Eric Bischoff's basement."

AJ grunted. "Now why the hell would I do that?"

"He's got kiddie porn down there."

AJ went quiet again. This time he was silent for what seemed like forever. "Are you being serious right now?"

"Yup," James confirmed. "I saw it with my own eyes."

"How do I know you didn't plant it there? I'm sure you weren't even an invited guest at Bischoff's house int he first place."

James rolled his eyes. "I didn't plant it AJ. He's a pervert and while I may be a fucker who likes to kill people, he's a sick bastard who could use his position of power to abuse countless boys." He rolled over on his back. "Unless you expose him for what he is as soon as possible."

"Oh God, why is it always me?" AJ muttered. He sighed when James didn't give him an answer. "Give me a couple of days and I'll see what I can do. Does that work for you?"

"Of course," James said. He sat up and grinned. "But just tell me one thing: how's Karen doing?"

"She's fine," AJ said curtly. "But you stay the fuck away from her."

"Of course," James said sweetly. "I wouldn't dare come after your precious wife. But one more thing: does she know what happened to Kurt?"

The only answer to that was the dial tone. James smirked and hung up the phone. "He's gonna see what he can do," he said, putting the phone back in his pocket.

"And if he doesn't come through for us?" Tammy asked.

He smirked. "He's dealt with us before. He knows failure is not an option." _And if he thinks it is, I'll pay him a visit and remind him exactly who the fuck he's dealing with._

XXXXXXXXXXX

Nero looked at the computer screen with wide eyes. "What's this?" he asked, trying to look at what Russo was looking at.

"This is a website for people who are fans of your daddy," Russo explained.

"My daddy has fans?" Nero looked back at Kelly, Cheyenne and Ashley for confirmation.

"Yeah, he has fans," Ashley said. "There are people out there who like it that he kills people."

Kelly shook her head. "You know, it still amazes me that serial killer can have their own cult following. I'm never going to get used to this no matter how much it happens."

Cheyenne didn't look up from her notebook. "My Mommy and Daddy always told me that killing people was wrong."

Nero tilted his head to the side. Cheyenne didn't have a Mommy and Daddy as far as he knew. "What happened to your Mommy and Daddy?" he asked innocently. "Why don't I ever see them?"

"Because your daddy killed them before you were born," Cheyenne replied. She didn't sound very happy about that.

"Oh. Okay then." Nero turned back towards the computer. "Do I have any fans like my daddy?"

Russo shrugged. "I don't know. Nobody besides us really knows about you. Maybe you'll get some after your daddy's movie comes out."

Ashley jumped to her feet. "Damn it, I almost forgot about this! I'll be right back!"

Nero, Kelly, Cheyenne and Russo watched her run out of the room. "What the hell was that about?" Russo asked.

Kelly shrugged. "I don't know, but I wish she would have run backwards. Her boobs bounce really nicely in that top."

Nero giggled while Cheyenne rolled her eyes and Russo got a funny look on his face. "When will my boobs grow in?" he asked.

Kelly shook her head. "Your a boy Nero. Boys don't get boobs."

"Not unless they get really fat," Cheyenne chimed in. "Then they get man boobies."

Nero took that into consideration. In his mind, there was only one thing to do now. "Someone get me some cookies. Imma get really fat!"

Ashley came running back in just as he said that. She frowned at him a little bit before making everyone gather around her and the newspaper she was holding. "Look at this," she said, pointing to one of the articles. "Deranged Killers Brought to the Big Screen."

Kelly looked over Ashley's shoulder. "Johnny Depp has been cast in the role of Jeff Hardy, the deranged serial killer who reportedly died three years ago in a fire at an abandoned warehouse. The big screen adaptation of the story that captured America's attention for years is tentatively titled _Bound by Blood,_ and it's set to be released in Novemeber of next year. Joining Depp is Viggo Mortinson as Hunter Helmsley, the real life killer who inspired Jigsaw from the _Saw_ movies; Rachel McAdams as Hunter's wife Stephanie, the one time heir of the McMahon empire and Mark Wahlberg as John Cena, the FBI agent who's family was murdered by Hardy and spent the rest of his life relentlessly chasing after the killer. No word yet as to who will play any of the other characters, but Christopher Nolan is set to direct the film."

"When the fuck was this paper published?" Russo asked. "I haven't heard anything about this!"

"It just came out today," Ashley said. "The studio producing it kept this top secret. I don't think anyone except for the people involved in it knew about it."

Nero grinned. Now there were more movies coming out about his daddy. "I gotsa famous daddy!" he said happily.

"Well I wouldn't say "famous". "Infamous" might be--"

"He's three Russo," Ashley said as Nero started bouncing around the room. "Let it go."

Nero got on the bed and started jumping as high as he could. "I gotsa a famous daddy! I gotsa famous daddy! I gotsa famous daddy..."


	20. Chapter 20

"Daddy?" Jeff said, spinning around in the computer chair.

"Yes?" James said, looking over the notes he had made for the speech he was going to have to give tomorrow.

"Hollywood is making a movie about me," Jeff informed him happily. "Johnny Depp is going to be me."

"So I've heard," James said, not really paying attention to what Jeff was saying. "Between this movie and the documentary, shit about you is going to get way too fucking stirred up."

Jeff pouted. He wasn't getting the attention he wanted from his father. "You said it was okay for Russo to do the documentary."

"Yeah, but that was when Mark and I were planning on killing him before he ever got a chance to release the damn thing."

"Well what changed?"

James shrugged. "I don't know if anything has, besides him growing on us like a fungus. I mean, Mark and I still might gladly kill him, but we might not because everyone else could bitch about it."

Jeff giggled. "You're funny Daddy." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a sucker. "Ooooh, cherry!" He unwrapped the treat and stuck it in his mouth. "Daddy?"

"Yeah?"

"Who do you think is going to play you in the movie?"

"I'm not going to be in the movie son."

Jeff titled his head to the side. "Why not? Don't you want to be in my movie?"

"The general public doesn't even know that I know you; they sure as hell won't know that I'm your father. So, given those facts, I will not be put into the movie."

That did not set well with Jeff at all. That was complete and total bullshit to him. "That's not nice of those movie people," Jeff said. "I don't want that movie now if you're not going to be in it."

James ruffled Jeff's hair affectionately. "It's not up to you dude. Since you're legally dead, they're going to do whatever it is they feel like and you're just going to have to let them."

"Why?" Jeff asked. "What if I want to kill them?"

"Just let it go Jeffro. If it bothers you so much, then just don't see the movie when it comes out."

"But I has to!" Jeff insisted. "It's gonna be about _me_!"

James stared at Jeff for a few minutes before shaking his head. "You know what? Just forget it. I'm not even going to try to figure out your logic here."

Jeff shrugged at that and sucked on his sucker. He didn't know how long it had been in the pocket of the jeans he was wearing and he really didn't care. It still tasted good. "What would you say if I said I wanted to have another baby?"

The note cards that James was holding flew out of his hands and went all over the floor. He didn't even bother to pick them up though. He was too busy looking at Jeff like he had grown a second head or something. "Are you serious right now?" he asked.

Jeff nodded. He didn't know why James was acting so surprised by this. People had more than one baby all the time. "I want another baby," he said. "And Nero wants a little brother or sister."

"What does Melina have to say about this?"

"Well who gives a shit what she says? She's gonna get pregnant whether she likes it or not. I'll make damn sure of that."

James chuckled and shook his head. "You really are something Jeffro. Did you know that?"

Jeff took the sucker out of his mouth and nodded. "I know Daddy." He put the sucker in his mouth. "What do you think I should have: a boy or a girl?"

"Does it matter? A baby is a baby."

"True." Jeff spun around in his chair again. He liked to spin. Spinning was fun. It was just like going around in a circle. "I should get to work on making that baby."

"I guess you--" James groaned as the phone rang. "Fine! I guess I won't get my speech written! Fucking bastards." He pressed a button on the phone so he could talk to the person on the other line without having to put it up to his ear. "What?"

"It's me."

"Who's me?" Jeff asked.

"It's AJ," James told him.

"Oh." Jeff waved at the phone. "Hi AJ!"

"Uh....hi..." AJ said slowly. He sighed. "Listen James, I pulled the right strings and Bischoff's house is going to be searched in about an hour."

"Sweet," James said. "The stuff is in the basement so--"

"But Lawson, seriously, this is the last fucking time I want to do something like this for you," AJ said, cutting James off. "Okay? I don't want to be a pawn for your games."

James pouted. "Oh come on Styles, you're not a pawn. I came to you because I knew you were right man for the job."

"Whatever," AJ said. "Just leave me alone from now on, okay?"

"Okay then," James said, not sounding like he really meant it. "Later." He hung up the phone and shook his head. "Damn. I remember him being a lot more fun than that."

Jeff stood up and patted James on the shoulder before leaving the room. He wished that he had more time to be sympathetic but he didn't. He had a baby to make after all.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

James sighed and gathered up his note cards. Styles was about to take care of his Bischoff problem, but there was still one major problem that he was going to have to deal with. It was something that could cost him the election, but even knowing that, he knew that he couldn't keep it a secret forever. It would get out one way or another, and honestly, he didn't see the point in trying to keep it a secret for much longer. He wasn't ashamed of it and if anyone thought he should be could kiss his ass.

Mark came into the room with a baseball bat in his hand. "Have you Christian anywhere? I need to bash his head in with this."

James shook his head. "I haven't seen him for a couple of hours." He frowned. "What did he do to warrant a head bashing?"

"He fucking tried to put a whole bunch of hand sanitizer in my water. The fucker is trying to poison me."

Well James couldn't have that. Mark was his husband after all. "I'll look for him with you," he said, getting out of his chair. The speech preperation was just going to have to wait. He couldn't concentrate now if he tried. "We'll bash his head in together."

Mark grinned. "Sweet." He put the bat over his shoulder. "I get to hit him more because I'm the one he tried to poison."

"Fair enough," James said with a nod. "Oh, and just to let you know, I'm just gonna publicly come out and say I married a dude. So...yeah...prepare yourself for that shit."

Mark raised his eyebrows. "You sure that's a good idea?"

"I don't really care, to be quite honest. I--"

The sound of Christian screaming made them jump a little bit (not that they would ever admit that). They followed the sound of the screaming down the hall and into another room. Ashley and Kelly (who were both naked) were beating the hell out of Christian, who was trying to beg for mercy. James and Mark exchanged looks before watching the action. They didn't even need to ask. They both just figured that the girls were finally tired of the pervert peeking in on them having sex.

"Ooooh goodie! Give me that!" Kelly snatched the bat out of Mark's hands and started using it to whack her victim.

"Please stop!" Christian begged. "Ow! Leave me alone! I won't do it again, I swear!"

James shook his head. "You want to join in Marky?"

"No," Mark said with a smirk. "I think I'll just watch instead. If they keep beating him up, I'll have something to hold against him forever."

"Excellent point." James crossed his arms over his chest and kept on watching the beating. _Note to self: don't piss of lesbians. The bitches are fucking violent._


	21. Chapter 21

At 5:17 PM, Eastern Standard Time, Eric Bischoff was arrested for possession of child pornography. AJ held a press conference saying that Bischoff could possibly be part of a much larger kiddie porn ring. The uproar this caused was absolutely epic. The people in Bischoff's party was thrown for a loop, and the fact that Jonathan Coachman was soon announced as Bischoff's replacement did not help matters. Coach, who had just been chosen by Bischoff to be his running mate, was a complete and total tool and the fact that everyone knew he had been kissing Bischoff's ass for years really hurt him. Bischoff was the most hated man in America at the moment, which amused James to no end.

Of course, there were a few consequences that James could have done without. One was that he now couldn't actually get his hands on Bischoff to kill him. The FBI was not releasing him from custody any time soon. It made them think that AJ had actually found evidence of Bischoff being involved in a federally investigated kiddie porn ring and that was why Bischoff wasn't being let out on bail. Now that disappointed James's bloodlust (he had been looking forward to killing Bischoff after all), but it was something he could live with. At least the weasel was out of the way.

But what did annoy him was the fact that he himself was getting watched much more carefully. The conservatives were attacking him like never before, mainly because they were desperate to get attention away from the fact that their golden boy turned out to be a pervert. He did his best to keep his head up and ignore it, going about his business by picking his running mate (Senator Theodore Long) and scheduling a sit down interview that would air on prime time television with journalist Lillian Garcia (this was when he hoped to come out about his relationship with Mark). But the attacks kept raining down on him, and they weren't even legitimate ones. The conservatives really just didn't like him because he was more vocal in disagreeing with them, and he did it in a somewhat asshole like manner. But being brutally honest and blunt about his opinions had gotten him this far, and he really wasn't going to stop now.

"Are you sure this is a good idea Lawson?" Mark asked the day of the interview with Lillian. He and Stacy had come with James to show their support. The others had gone back to Las Vegas, mainly to make sure Jeff didn't go out and get himself spotted (more and more media people had been following James around lately and he knew that he needed to make sure they took precautions with Jeff). "This is a pretty big fucking platform to do this on."

"What other choice do I have?" James replied. "If I just make a small press release about it, I'm going to get bugged until I do a big interview. If I just not say anything and we get seen together, things will get blown out of proportion. But if I do it this way, I'll just say everything I have to say about this subject and just be done with it. No hiding, no beating around the bush, and maybe it won't be as big of a deal as some will try to make it out to be."

Stacy nodded along as she looked at her manicured nails. "What does Teddy have to say about all this?"

"He told me to just go for it," James replied. "He's cool like that."

"Sweet," Stacy said, still distracted by her nails.

Mark gave James a very serious look. "Just so you know, this little coming out announcement doesn't change anything. I refuse to be your first lady. Stacy will have to do that crap."

James chuckled. Mark had been saying that for days and he didn't seem to be shutting up any time soon. "Okay Marky. Whatever you say."

The producers came over to him and ushered him over to make-up (which annoyed him). After getting all pretty for TV, he was taken to the room where the interview was to be held. Lillian was there looking over her notes, and after standing up to shake his hand, she went back to her notes. James didn't really mind though. He was too busy thinking about what Jeff had told him the other day. Jeff having another baby…well it was kind of scary, even to him. Sure he adored Nero and Jeff had proven to be as good a father as he possibly could be, given the insanity and the murderous tendencies. But he honestly did not know if Jeff could handle two kids. Melina really wasn't any help and Jeff had enough attention problems as it was, so adding a second kid that would need just as much attention as Nero did (and even more while it was still an infant) could lead to disaster.

Of course, everyone would do what they could to help Jeff. That wasn't even something that had to be thought about. But he hadn't told the others about Jeff's plans for a second child and judging from the fact they weren't freaking out about it, Jeff hadn't either (why, James did not know…maybe it was going to be a surprise for everyone else). Could the others handle another spawn from Jeff? Could the world even handle it? Now that was the question that needed to be answered.

"I'm sitting here with presidential candidate James Lawson here," Lillian said, interrupting James's thoughts. The damn interview had started and James hadn't even been aware of it. "And first of all James, I would just like to thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to do this interview.

"You're welcome," James said, smiling the most genuine smile he could muster (which always fooled everyone—except the people who actually knew him of course). "I've been wanting to do this for quite some time. I've got a few things to get off my chest."

Lillian smiled. "Well we all know you're not shy about that. You and certain other political members have been exchanging quite a few harsh words lately."

"Yeah, that tends to happen," James said with a nod. "I've been told I should take the high road and ignore them, but I hate having stones thrown at me by people who don't even take the time to listen to what I have to say on stuff. They take my comments and twist them around and throw them back at me and it pisses me off. I try to brush it off, but when that crap is hailing down on all sides, there's only so much a man can take."

"So what do you have to say about your critics right here and now?" Lillian asked.

"Nothing really. I've said what I have to say, and that's that." He leaned back in his chair. "I actually came here tonight not to talk about them. There's something I need to confess to the country right now and I want to do it before it gets dug up and blown completely out of proportion. "

Lillian looked kind of surprised. This was obviously not on her notes, so she seemed to be at a bit of a loss on what to say. "Oh, okay….what is it?"

James grinned and looked at the camera. "Many of you people out there have been told by the media that Stacy Keibler and I will be tying the knot and she will serve as my first lady if I were to be elected. But that's only half true. She would take the responsibilites of first lady if—and it'll be a big if after what I say here—but I will not marry her, I do not love her, and I'm no longer physically involved with her. I haven't been for three years."

Lillian's eyes widened. She seemed to have taken a guess at what he was going to say next. "Oh boy…" she said under her breath.

"The person I'm involved with...he's a dude. A big scary looking dude that I unofficially married down in Louisiana not that long ago. We've had an on and off thing for decades, but this time we're together for good. This is not a scandal. This is not something I want to hide. I'm saying this now because I want people to get over it as soon as possible. I love Mark and that's not going to change for anyone. Whether this hurts my chances of winning in November really doesn't matter to me. I chose my Marky, and it is what it is." Once James blurted that out, he looked at Lillian. She was looking at him in shock. He looked at the crew around him. They looked shocked. The millions of people at home probably looked shocked as well. Smiling pleasantly, he decided to break the mood a little bit.

"Hey, at least this is better than being a pedophile, right?"


	22. Chapter 22

To say that James's blunt announcement was shocking would be putting it lightly. People were pretty much stunned at not only the announcement, but James's bluntness about the whole thing. Of course, once the shock was over with, people started reacting to it. The liberals began applauding him for coming out and the ultra conservatives began condemning him. Groups like GLADD started trying to get him to be a spokesman and the media began trying to get figure out who Mark was because he hadn't actually come out and said which specific Mark he was in love with. All in all, his entire campaign became a circus and it was pretty irritating.

"You know, people are supposed to choose elected officials based on qualifications," he told Mark a few weeks after the televised interview. "But now I think it's going to turn down to if people want a complete and total tool to be their leader or me, a controverserial bisexual who tends to like dick more than pussy."

Mark shook his head. "You're the one who put it out there Lawson. You knew the controversy was coming."

"I know," James said with a sigh. "But that doesn't mean I can't be annoyed by it." He laid back in his chair. He was taking a much deserved day off in Las Vegas and Stacy and Tammy had some sort of big dinner planned. He had thought about asking what the occasion was, but then he had forgotten to actually give a shit. Food was food; it didn't fucking matter what the occasion was. "Speaking of being annoyed, would ripping out Miz's vocal cords be considered too harsh of a punishment for him being a big mouth?"

Mark thought about it. "No, definitely not. He deserves it for daring to speak."

"Good. I like it when we're on the same page."

"Grandpa? Grandpa where are you?"

"I'm in my room Nero," James called out.

Less than a minute later, Nero came in and joined Mark and James on the bed. "Grandpa, would you come out to the living room and color with me?" Nero asked sweetly. "Daddy is too busy meeting with the stork to give me a brother or sister."

James grinned. "I'll color but you have to make Mark color with us. It'll be good for him."

"Okay!" Nero said excitedly. He grabbed Mark's hand and began tugging on it. "Come on Mark! Grandpa says you gotta color with us."

Mark glared at James. "I don't color damn it! I haven't color since I was like four or five years old!"

"Yeah, well, you're doing it again now," James replied. He grabbed Mark's other hand and helped Nero drag him into the living room. When they got in there, they found Gangrel, Raven, Dwayne and Cactus watching TV. "Hey Cactus," James said with a grin. He hadn't seen the deranged madman once since he had started the presidential campaign. "How ya doin?"

Cactus muttered something completely unintelligable in response.

"Awesome," James replied without missing a beat. He sat down on the chair and waited for Nero to get the colors and coloring books. "What are watching?"

"_Children of Men_," Dwayne replied. "Gangrel just bought it for like three bucks at the grocery store. It's pretty good."

"Stacy?" Raven yelled. "Tammy? When is the food going to be ready?"

"Soon!" Tammy yelled back from the kitchen. "Just hold your fucking horses!"

"Ha ha, you got yelled at," Mark said with a grin.

"Oh shut up," Raven muttered.

Nero handed James and Mark a book and some colors before sitting down on the floor and starting his own coloring. Mark growled and James and everyone else laughed at him. "Oh just shut your fucking mouths," Mark ordered. "Or I'm slitting all your throats."

Gangrel grinned and shook his head. He didn't look intimidated by Mark's threat at all. "James, before I forget, Russo told me to tell you he's got the final cut of Jeff's little documentary done. He wants to screen it for us later once he gets back."

James frowned. "Well where the fuck did he go?" The little weasel never really went anywhere unless it was for filming purposes.

Gangrel shrugged. "I don't know. He, Miz, Glenn, Raven and Christian all took off about an hour and a half ago. They said something about getting the after dinner entertainment."

Well that was nice and cryptic. James turned his attention to the coloring book because Nero was glaring at him for not coloring like he was supposed to. The whole coloring thing only lasted about ten minutes. After that, they were interrupted by the reappearance of Glenn, Miz, Russo, Raven and Christian, only they weren't exactly alone. They were carrying a large body bag with them. "If that has a dead body in it, I'm going to be upset," James said. "You don't need to be dumping your murder victims here."

"The person in here isn't dead," Raven replied. "Just unconscious."

James looked at Mark before putting down the coloring book and following all of them into the basement. Mark and the others were right on his heels. "Well who's in there?" James asked, very curious to find out now.

Christian grinned. "You really want to know?"

"It's why I asked you dumbass."

"Okay then. Let's show him."

Russo unzipped the bag and Glenn and Miz dumped the person in it out on to the floor. James grinned at the site before him. "Bischoff!"

"Uh huh," Glenn said. "He was secretly let out this morning and was going to be confined to house arrest until his next hearing. Russo got a tip from someone in the prison because they want to get into the entertainment industry and we did a little bit of an interception to bring him here instead."

James grinned. He already knew how he wanted to get rid of Bischoff, but it was going to have to wait till after dinner. If Jeff missed out on this, he would be very upset and that was not something he wanted to deal with tonight. "Chain him up and make sure to make him uncomfortable," he ordered. "I want to eat before we terminate him."

"It's a good thing we all have strong stomachs," Mark muttered as he picked Nero up and followed James back upstairs. "Or that plan would be seriously problamatic."

By the time the others came back upstairs and Kelly, Ashley, Jeff, Melina and Cheyenne came downstairs, Tammy and Stacy had dinner ready. There wasn't a lot of conversation because everyone was too busy stuffing their faces in (although Miz still talked--getting him to shut his mouth was like trying to stop the sun from rising and setting; it just didn't happen). James did notice that Melina seemed a little more out of it than usual and Jeff was giggling and bouncing around like Nero usually did when he was exctied, which was not something that usually meant good news. But once again, James failed to ask about it. This time he did care, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer to the question or not.

Once everyone was done eating, James stood up so he could talk before anyone started trying to run off. "According to Gangrel, Jeff's documentary is now done. Is that correct Russo?"

Russo nodded. "It is. I have to say that I'm very happy with it."

"Fantastic. I think we should watch it after Nero takes care of the cockroach that is in the basement."

Stacy's eyes widened. "We have _cockroaches_?"

"Yeah," Mark said. "And it's name is Bischoff."

Stacy immediately sighed in relief. "Oh, I thought you meant real ones! James, don't scare me like that!"

"Sorry," James said without really meaning it. He looked down at Nero. "You want to be a big boy and help Grandpa out?"

Nero nodded eagerly. "Yeah!"

"You got your knife?"

"Uh huh."

"Good boy. Let's go downstairs then."

"Wait for me!" Jeff said immediately. "I wanna watch!"

"I know you do, calm down," James said. "I'm sure we all want to see this." He picked Nero up and led everyone downstairs. They found Bischoff struggling to get out of his chains and attempting to scream for help despite of the duct tape that was on his mouth. "Lookie here Bischoff," James said, his disgust evident in his voice. "It's a little boy. Sure he's not naked like you usually like them but we're not here to feed your sick addiction."

Bischoff glared up at him and said something that he couldn't understand at all.

"Save your breath Bischoff," Mark said as James put Nero down. "Nobody wants to hear it."

James smirked as Bischoff watched Nero take his knife out of his pocket. "Now see, I don't know if you've ever touched a little boy out there, but as the maybe future leader of this country, I have to think of the welfare of the children you could potentially touch in the future. I have to make sure you can't ever hurt anyone ever again." He grinned. "Get him Nero."

Nero didn't need to be told twice. He lunged at Bischoff and began stabbing him over and over again, getting the man in the face, neck and chest. Jeff cackled loudly at the sight before him. "Get him Nero!" he yelled. "Get that son of a bitch! You're going to help me teach the new baby this so--"

"New baby?" Tammy, Ashley and Miz yelled at the same time.

Melina pointed to Jeff. "He did it again."

James smacked himself on the head. Jeff and Melina were having another child. Oh boy, the fun just never stopped with those two.


	23. Chapter 23

Having a sense of time had never been one of Jeff's strong suits. Time, days of the week, months, years--none of that actually mattered that much to him (except for his and Nero's birthdays of course; those days mattered a whole bunch to him). So when he overheard Stacy and Tammy saying how fast time was going, he never really understood what they meant. What he did understand were these few things: James was spending a lot more time away from home, the people who were supposed to be his fans were crazy like him and Melina was going to provide him a baby girl.

The whole James being away from home did bother him a bit. But it was something he could get over. The others were all keeping him reasonably distracted and James was sending home goodies a couple times a week so all was forgiven. And despite pretending like he was completely oblivious to the election thing, Jeff was actually hoping that James could win. If James won, he was planning on trying to convince his daddy to blow a country up just for the sake of blowing it up. He thought it would be cool to have a war started just because of him.

As for the documentary Russo had made, it became an underground hit. Or at least that was what Russo told him. And he really had no reason not to believe it. After the dvd was released, the number of websites about him tripled and Russo started getting fanmail that was supposed to be delievered to him. In case the dvd happened to get into the wrong hands, Russo not only made sure to not say when everything was shot (he implied that it was before Jeff's "death", but it was never flat out said) but he blurred out the faces of James and Mark to protect their identities (the others hadn't given enough of a shit to request that same treatment). But despite never implying that Jeff was still alive, Russo was given Jeff's fanmail. The producer/director handed it over to Jeff, who lapped up the attention like there was no tomorrow. He got letters from people who wanted to be a killer just like him, letters from people who wanted to be his lover, and he got letters from people who actually wanted him to kill them (he made sure to make Russo write down the addresses every time he got those kinds of letters. He didn't want to disappoint those fans after all). The websites posted videos of people dressing up like him and attempting to hunt him down. People sent him all kinds of treats too; knives, swords, cookies (which nobody would let him eat unless they came in sealed packages) and candy. All in all, the whole thing was pretty fucking sweet.

But even being a hero to a group of people that obviously needed as much professional help as he did couldn't even compare to the excitement he felt about being a daddy again. Kelly and Ashley were the ones that took Melina to her doctor's appointments (he couldn't go himself for reasons obvious to everyone but him) and they were the ones who told him that he was going to have a baby girl. That was absolutely perfect in his eyes. He already had a little boy and a little girl just completed the set. Now he just needed a white picket fence to impale people on and a dog that could rip people's throat out on command and he would have the perfect family.

Of course, the whole baby thing was completely new to Nero. He eyed Melina's stomach more and more carefully as each month went by and by the sixth month, he had to ask the question that was troubling his little mind. "Daddy, is Mommy's tummy going to explode?"

Jeff, who had been painting the new baby's room when this conversation took place, looked down at his son and smiled. "No Nero. Mommy's tummy isn't going to explode."

"Are you sure?" Nero asked. This whole thing had obviously been troubling him greatly.

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"Well then why is her tummy so big now?"

"Because that's where the baby is right now. It's growing up a little bit in there because it can't survive out here like us right now." Jeff and James had a conversation similar to this back when Melina was pregnant with Nero.

"Oh." Nero looked around. "Why are you painting this room all sorts of different colors?"

"Because I don't know what the baby's favorite color is going to be yet."

"Oh. Daddy, I want Lucky Charms."

"Okay. Go tell Tammy to get you some."

And that had been it. Once it was determined that his mommy's tummy was not going to explode, Nero did not have any more questions. Everyone else had questions though. None of them were directed at Jeff, but still they had questions. Melina was apparently having problems with the pregnancy. She was a lot sicker than she was when she was pregnant with Nero and she had to go to the doctor a lot more often this time around. Jeff didn't see what the big issue was. The baby was going to be okay. There was no way it wouldn't be. He wouldn't allow for it to be anything but okay.

In the final weeks of Melina's pregnancy, she had to be put on bedrest. But since she had no real comprehension of what was going on around her, she did not want to stay in bed at all. They finally had to resort to strapping her down to the bed so she couldn't wander off and possibly cause harm to the baby. At that point, Jeff finally began to realize that something could really happen to his baby. He got really worried about that, but the worry only lasted about two days. Then something happened that distracted him completely.

"People, I'm home!" James shouted as he and Mark came in through the front door.

"Daddy!" Jeff shouted the same time as Nero shouted "Grandpa!" They both ran into James and Mark's arms.

Raven and Christian came from the other room to see what was going on. "What the hell are you guys doing here?" Raven asked. "Tonight's the night of the election. Shouldn't you--"

"I just wanted to come home," James interrupted. "If I win, I've got it set up that I can do a press conference from City Hall." He kissed Jeff and Nero on the tops of their heads. "You boys been good?"

"Yeah," Jeff and Nero said at the same time.

"Yeah right," Christian muttered.

Mark glared at him. "What was that now?"

Christian tried to look innocent. "Nothing. I said nothing."

"You're damn right you said nothing," James growled. "You--" A loud shriek silenced James in mid--sentence. "What the fuck was that?"

"Mommy!" Nero gasped. "That was Mommy!"

Jeff took off running up to Melina's room. The others were right on his heels. When they got up there, they found Stacy and Tammy trying to soothe Melina while freaking out themselves. "Her water broke," Stacy announced.

"Already?" Mark said in disbelief. "But she's not even due yet!"

"We're aware of that Mark," Tammy said as she started getting towels out. "That's what got us worried."

"You think we're going to have to take her to the hospital?" Raven asked.

"No!" Jeff objected. "No hospital! I can't go if she goes there!"

"What's going on?" Nero asked. "What's wrong with Mommy? Is she going to die?"

"No, she's not going to die," James assured Nero. "Everything is going to be fine." He looked at the others. "Christian, you take Nero out of here and go play with him. Raven, go tell the others what's going on. The rest of us are going to make sure Melina gets through this okay."

Jeff nodded. He liked that plan. He sat down on the bed with Melina and let the others get to work. "So does it hurt like last time?"

"Yes," Melina hissed. She smacked him on the leg really hard. "I HATE you!"

He rubbed his leg and pouted. "Bitch. That wasn't nice!"

Melina didn't reply to that. She just started screaming and doing her whole labor thing. The others were doing all they could to help her. James sent Russo and Glenn to go steal an incubator from the hospital in case they needed to keep the baby in there. Jeff ate some Skittles and played a game on his cell phone while the whole thing went on. He was definitely liking this birth much better because he didn't have to do anything this time around.

"Good grief, does this have to be such a fucking process?" James asked a few hours later. "Why can't you women just pop these things out and be done with it?"

"Believe me, there are lots of women who want to know the answer to that question too," Stacy assured him.

"Oh sweet baby Jesus, what the hell is that?" Mark asked.

"She's crowning," Tammy said.

"And what the fuck does that mean?"

"It means that's the head that's coming out. Come on Melina, keep pushing baby."

Melina let out shriek that made Jeff jump up and cover his ears. Several more shrieks followed that one and then finally she stopped and her screams were replaced by a baby crying.

"Holy crap she's bloody!" James exclaimed. "Ew, someone get me a towel!"

"Here, let me cut this cord real quick," Mark said. He sliced the umbilical cord with his knife and then made room for Stacy, who took the baby from James and wiped the blood and stuff off her.

"Let me hold her," Jeff ordered. "Now!"

Stacy rolled her eyes and handed the baby over. "You could have said please," she muttered.

Jeff ignored her and held on to his baby girl tightly. "Aw, I loves my little baby. Yes I do. My little Annabelle."

James did a double take. "What did you just say?"

Jeff grinned. "I said her name. Annabelle Ruth Hardy. I likes it."

Before James could respond to that, Ashley came running in. "TV," she said as she nearly tripped over her own feet. "Turn on Melina's TV right now!"

"Why? What's going on?" Tammy asked.

Ashley ignored her and turned the TV on itself. She switched it to the news and the headline simply said this:

Lawson elected as President.

"Holy shit!" James and Mark yelled at the same time.

"Yay Daddy!" Jeff cheered.

Stacy sighed. "Oh God, the world is completely and utterly doomed."


End file.
